The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis
by learningtowrite1996
Summary: Ponyboy Curtis is going to be a writer, correct? So he probably keeps some sort of journal. This is a sneak peak into Pony's journal  or as Two-Bit says, Diary . Takes place after The Outsiders.
1. Scary Stories to Nightmares

**Hey! This just popped in my head the other night when I was going to sleep. Ponyboy Curtis is a writer, so naturally he would keep a journal of some sort!**

**This is right where The Outsiders ended. **

**Hope you enjoy. Don't forget to review :)**

**And S.E. Hinton owns it all :)**

The Diary of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Ok, I refuse to say 'dear diary' because that is girlish. And I don't like girls. Well, yes I like girls but, not right now. Ugh, you know what I mean. I shouldn't have to explain myself to myself.

My English teacher pulled me aside today after class. He told me that my theme was absolutely amazing, and that I should publish it, submit it to some company, blah blah. All I know is I passed English, so now Darry can't yell at me. I shouldn't say that though. Darry and I have been a lot better lately. Johnny and Dally died just a month ago, so he may just be going easy on me.

Dear Journal,

I'm pissed at Two-Bit. It's because of him I'm sitting up in bed right now at one in the morning. I can't sleep. Him, Soda, and Steve went out to some sketchy place and Darry wouldn't let me go with them because I'm a 'child'. Stupid Darry.

Anyways, right before they left, Two-Bit sat me down on the couch, telling me since I was being left home alone tonight, he felt it fit to tell me a little story. It was some dumb story about a serial killer in Tulsa a year ago. The killer would hide in teenage kid's closets and jump out at them when least expected. He told it the whole time with this stupid grin on his face, so I knew it wasn't true. It was a pretty lame story anyways.

But then, when I went to bed I had a terrible nightmare. In my nightmare, there was a wetness in me and Soda's bed. I shook Soda to tell him about it and he flopped over right onto me. He was soaked in blood and stabbed everywhere. I flew out of bed, terrified and ran into the hall to Darry's room. I climbed into his bed and tried to shake him awake, but he was all stabbed, bleeding, and dead too. I was crying and crying and went back into me and Soda's room. Back in there, I heard this creaking noise. I turned to the closet to find a freaky-ass man coming out with daggers in both hands. I woke up screaming bloody murder. Now I'm just sitting in bed, too afraid to leave my room. My closet is open a crack. I swear, it was not open when I went to sleep.

I really hope Darry gets home from his date soon.

And damn Two-Bit...

Dear Journal,

Well Two-Bit got busted by Darry for giving me nightmares. Darry got home at nearly three in the morning, (what were him and that girl _doing?_) to find me still wide-awake, and staring at the closet. He asked if everything was all right and I told him yes. But I think I gave myself away when I told him to check my closet, and when I asked if I could sleep in his room. I don't think I've ever asked to sleep in Darry's room my entire life. So Darry didn't bug me all too much last night about it, because we were both tired. But this morning he questioned me about everything and I totally sold Two-Bit out. I'm still pretty pissed at him cause' I was really freaked out last night. I heard Darry yelling at him from my room, saying that I was fragile and mentally unstable and did not need horrible stories plaguing me with fresh nightmares. That all didn't make me feel so hot. He made me sound like I was a baby. That, and I think now Two-Bit is mad at me also for ratting him out.

** All-right, thats the first chapter. Please review and tell me what you think :)**


	2. A High Bridge

**This is the next chapter for The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis. I'm really happy that I got some reviews for it :)**

**Just a couple of things. Someone remarked that in the beginning Ponyboy sounded gay. Well, he is not. He kind of meant he doesn't like girls right now. Sorry for the confusion.**

**And also, I got a couple of remarks about incorrect grammar. I'm trying my best to make this sound like The Outsiders as much as possible, and in the book Ponyboy had some funky grammar because that is just how he was raised. I know how to use proper grammar, it is just part of the story.**

**Anyways... here we go! :)**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit is secretly giving me the cold shoulder. I don't really blame him. Being yelled at by Darry is never, ever fun and I tattled on him. Still, he doesn't need to ignore me. He is pretty much my only really good friend at school and I need him. And I need his car. Today I asked for a ride home and he flat out told me 'No'. What a jerk. I think I may be the only person in the entire world that has made Two-Bit Matthews hold a grudge. Must be some kind of record.

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit is still ignoring me. It's making me feel depressed and lonely. I miss Johnny. He never got mad at me, for anything. No matter what.

Dear Journal,

Today, I was just so fed up with Two-Bit's crap that I called him a big jerk on the way to school. He just responded with 'I know you are but what am I'. So immature.

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit spat fifteen spitballs at me today in History. I'm not exaggerating, because I counted. I snapped somewhere around ten and chucked a pencil at him. And of course, like always, luck was not on my side and Mrs. Hieb caught me. She didn't see anything Two-Bit was doing, but the second I act up her "hawk eyes" come out. So unfair. The school system is rigged. I got detention for a week. Darry is going to flip, I know it.

Dear Journal,

I just need to vent. About Two-Bit of course. So, I guess I ought to apologize, and just get our issues out of the way, but I can't. It really isn't my fault that Darry exploded at him. If anything, he should apologize to me for giving me nightmares. I'm sick of this drama. He is acting like a little girl. That, and today Steve told me that I still look like Sleeping Beauty. I hate people.

Dear Journal,

Okay, today was probably among the greatest days of my entire lifetime. I don't really know why, considering I almost died today, and I was pretty much scared to death the entire time. I guess it was just the adrenaline. Anyways, here is what happened. Today, once again Two-Bit refused to give me a ride home from school. So, I had to walk by myself. I was literally in sight of my house when, BAM! Five Socs come out of this alleyway. They were scary as hell, and a little bit out of their minds. They kept trash talking me, telling me that since I killed Bob, they were gonna kill me. I tried to scream, but one of them had their hand over my mouth before I had the chance. It didn't matter though, because I was so close to the house that Steve, Darry, Soda, and Two-Bit saw them attacking me. I guess I do have a bit of luck. They started running over to me, but the damn Socs threw me in their trunk and drove off. I mean it, they were out of their minds. I'm pretty sure the gang followed them in their cars. It was probably one hell of a car chase, but I wouldn't know because I was sitting in the trunk for at least an hour. I did hear some gunshots and hollers though. After a while, the car stopped and two Socs dragged me out of the trunk and held a knife to my throat. Dramatic stuff, I tell you. We had stopped on the bridge that is about 200 feet above the Arkansas River. I could hear the gang screaming at them, and the Socs screaming back that they were going to throw me off, slit my throat, blah blah. I don't have a death wish, but after being jumped about four times, it gets a little old. Anyways, they made me stand on the edge of the bridge, telling me to jump or they would kill Soda and Darry. That is where I got really afraid. I knew at least two of them had heaters, so just one shot would shut my brothers' eyes. Forever. I was so afraid that I was practically out of it, so I didn't really notice the gang beating the pulp out of the Socs. The cowards ran away to their cars, but one gave me a little push cause I was still standing up on the bridge. Real great guy, I tell you. I lost my footing and toppled over, but gripped the side just barely. I was hanging on my fingertips, slipping, and screaming my head off when someone grabbed my wrists and pulled me back over. It was Two-Bit and he was whiter than I've ever seen anyone in my entire life. Darry wasn't white, he was green. Soda collapsed to the ground, probably sobbing. Steve put his face in his hands, shaking.

So I guess it was a terrible day.

But I thought it was kind of insanely epic.

Plus me and Two-Bit are friends again.

**Keep up the reviews. Give me suggestions, anything, whatever. I'm not the kind to sob over critiques. That's what this site is for right? Just remember this story isn't meant to be perfect grammar and such. It's just a teenager's journal.**


	3. Anxious Brothers and Another Fake Death

**I'll update fast. This is real easy and fun to write :)**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Darry and Soda are having issues. Ever since the whole bridge ordeal, they've been super clingy to me. Soda practically cried the entire night when we got home from the bridge. I shook him and asked what was wrong and he told me that he had never been so afraid in all his life. Then the next morning, Darry was just sitting on the couch when I came into the front room. He looked like he hadn't slept at all. His eyes were all puffy and had bags under them. I kinda just stood there looking at him, and he told me to come and sit by him. I did and he started hugging the living daylights out of me. The only other time I can ever really remember Darry hugging me was after Windrixville. It isn't that he doesn't love me, it just isn't like Darry to be hugging people all the time. I guess it really did look like I went over that bridge.

Dear Journal,

Now Two-Bit is having issues. Ugh. He is totally guilt-ridden because he didn't drive me home after school that day, and I could have been killed. He is right, of course, but I'll never say that. Besides, I _wasn't_ killed. So I don't really see what all the fuss is.

Dear Journal,

Steve called me Sleeping Beauty again today. That guy does nothing for my self-confidence.

Dear Journal,

At school today I saw the Socs that nearly killed me. Not the ones the night of Bob's death, but the freaky bridge ones. It disturbs me that there are two different groups of Socs that have nearly killed me. Oh well, anyways, they gave me really scary death glares. I've got a feeling that things aren't over between us. Joy. Just what my anxiety-ridden brothers need.

Dear Journal,

Those Socs are freaking us all out. I really do not know what is the matter with them. I didn't even kill Bob, but they don't seem to care at all. There was a letter under the doormat today addressed to me. It went like this:

P.M. Curtis,

Don't think you're in the

clear yet. That bridge was

just a warm up act. Watch your

back.

It wasn't signed. I showed it to Darry and Soda. They flipped out, naturally. Darry even wanted to call the cops, but I managed to talk him out of it. They're just Socs, I told him. Just a bunch of stupid Socs. I made it seem like I wasn't too worried and he calmed down. But I am worried. It scares me that they've been to my house to deliver that note. And I have no clue how they know my middle name.

Dear Journal,

Those Socs killed Soda. They killed him. They killed him. They killed him. Darry got a call to come and identify his body at the station. I know it was them. Dear God, Sodapop is dead. Dear God. They killed him. I killed him. He is dead. Gone. I murdered my own brother.

Dear Journal,

Things have really changed since my last entry. First off, Soda is not dead. I thought he was for nearly four hours of my life. Four of the yuckiest hours ever. Then, as I'm sitting on the couch, bawling my heart out and waiting for Darry, Soda comes waltzing in through the front door, saying that luck had been on his side, because some goon had stolen his wallet, but it had had no money in it. He plopped himself down next to me on the couch, grinning, but then got real worried, cause I was still bawling. He asked what was wrong, and I just stared at him. He shook my shoulders, trying to get me to speak, but I think I froze up. That or I went out of it somehow. I snapped back to life when Darry burst through the door. He locked eyes on Soda, and understood. Darry ran forward and grabbed onto Soda. He was crying, like me. Soda was beyond confused, since I had told him absolutely nothing. Darry told him about being called to the police station, and looking at the body of the person who was thought to be Sodapop. He had been really confused because the man dead seemed to be over thirty and looked nothing like his brother. But then the police showed him Soda's wallet that the man had stolen with his license in it. They had thought it was Soda dead, when it really was just Soda's robber. All I know is, I'm not going to whine over Darry and Soda having anxiety attacks over my near-death experience, because now I know exactly how it feels. Poor Darry. Two brothers he thought to be dead all in one week.

**In the future, I'll have some funnier and upbeat entries. This just popped in my head and I had to get it down. Please review. Pleeeaaaseee :)**


	4. Steve is a Doctor of Some Sort

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I've been feeling kinda bad for Darry lately. Me and Soda's near-death experiences really did seem to do him in a bit. I swear, his hair has gotten grayer over the past week. I hope he snaps out of his whole funk soon.

Dear Journal,

If my hair doesn't start going back to brown in the next week, I'm shaving it all off. No joke, I seriously will. Steve has now resorted to calling me "sunshine" which is probably both because of my constant serious attitude and my hideous blondness. Darry said that it depends on how Johnny bleached it. It may never really go back right. That's not gonna work for me. So my hair's got one week. Then I'm cutting it all off.

Dear Journal,

It's been a week. I don't think I can do it though. After thinking about it a bit, being blonde would be better than bald. Bald is disgusting.

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit is such an idiot. He tripped me after school today when we were walking to his car for talking to him in class and getting him a detention. I sprawled forward to the ground, right on my face. Two-Bit was laughing his head off, calling me a klutz, but I honestly don't think anyone could have _not_ tripped. He practically kicked me over. What a dork. My nose was bleeding, and he did seem a little sorry. But not very much. I got home before Darry or Soda, so I was able to clean it up. It hurts like hell, though. And worst of all, it's crooked. You can tell pretty well. It's broken, I just know it. I'll try and keep it from Soda and Darry until I can pop it back into place somehow. I don't want to risk ratting Two-Bit out again, and receiving another cold shoulder treatment.

Dear Journal,

Darry and Soda got home from work a little bit ago. We just finished dinner. They could see something different about me, I could tell. They kept kinda squinting at me, trying to see what was out of place. But they probably couldn't put their fingers on it well enough, because I wasn't questioned at all. They'll find out soon enough though.

Dear Journal,

I told Two-Bit today that if he wanted to avoid getting the stuffing knocked out of him by Darry, he would find a way to fix my nose. I knew that when I saw my brothers again that night, they would figure it out. They were scrutinizing me again this morning. So he told me that after school, he would try to fix it. All day in my classes, I thought this over. Did I _really_ want Two-Bit to fix my nose? No, of course not. He would only make it worse, or break it some more. So I ditched him right after school and headed down to the DX, getting ready to tell Soda what was going on. I really didn't want to, but something had to be done because my nose was painfully throbbing constantly. Steve was filling someone's gas by the time I got there. I asked him where Soda was, and he told me that the boss had him run an errand. I just kinda sighed and leaned back against this wall. Steve stood in front of me and asked flat-out who had broken my nose. I just stared at him, and he told me that when he came by the house yesterday, he saw that it was broken. But he hadn't asked about it because he could tell I was trying to keep it from Darry and Soda. I nodded and told him that Two-Bit had, accidentally, broken it. He rolled his eyes and cupped my chin in his hand, fingering where the crook on my nose was. He kind of flicked his fingers and it made a little popping noise. It hurt a bit, but not too much. Steve told me that it was still broken because you can't pop a nose back. It isn't a joint, he told me. He had just set it back into place so it would heal right. Luckily it hadn't been splintered or I would need a cast of some sort. He told me not to mess with it, so it could fix itself. I was amazed that he knew what to do, and when I asked him where he had gotten his doctoring skills, he said, "Kid when you've got a daddy like mine, you've gotta learn how to fix a broken nose every now and again."

Dear Journal,

Darry and Soda never did find out about my nose. It is practically healed now. It hardly even hurts. I guess Steve is a pretty good buddy to have. That, and he wont be able to call me Sleeping Beauty, sunshine, or Goldilocks much longer cause I looked in the mirror today and saw some brown roots growing back in. Life is good.

**Please review.**

**-learning :)**


	5. Some Socs Need to Calm the Hell Down

**Loving getting reviews! You guys rock! Keep them coming please and thank you! :)**

The Diary/Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

The bridge Socs are back. I thought for a couple weeks that I was maybe in the clear, but I was wrong. They've probably just been plotting all that time. The worst part is, these aren't normal Socs. There are about four of them and they are frikkin' insane. I don't know why they are hating on me so bad. But I really don't think this will turn out well. Lately, I've been seeing them everywhere I go.

Dear Journal,

I got jumped today. Fun stuff, I tell you. Two-Bit had to stay after for a detention, so I walked by myself. Gosh I really don't use my head. Those Socs probably would have killed me, no joke, because I was in just about the most secluded place possible. It was right where the woods start, and another path goes around to more greaserish (is that a word?) territory. They totally ambushed me, coming right out of the woods. Not gonna lie right now, I was scared as hell. They were slugging me and kicking me a ton. At one point, they were all just kind of laughing and talking to each other while I laid on the ground. I jumped up and just ran. I ran as fast as I possibly could, ignoring my soreness. They chased me the best they could, but I'm really fast. And when I'm running for my frikking life, I'm even faster. I think everyone is.

I ran all the way to the house and they chased me the entire way. I thanked God that Darry always leaves the front door unlocked and flew inside the house. I hurried and locked every door and window in the entire house so they couldn't get in. They waited outside though. They pounded on the door and windows and screamed at me. Gosh I was so afraid. I was even more afraid that someone like Darry or Soda would get home and would be beaten to a pulp by them. I was just about to call the cops when Darry drove up. He got out of the car, and did not look happy. The Socs just kind of stared at him for a second, and then ran back to their cars. I wonder why they did, cause all four of them probably could have taken Darry. Maybe. He did look really scary, so that could've done it.

I let him in the house and he just looked at me in shock. I guess I looked pretty bad. I didn't have any time to fix myself up before cause those damn Socs were terrorizing me. Darry sat me down on the couch and gave me another one of those crazy-rare hugs. I didn't mind though, even if I ached. I was just super glad to see him.

I had to tell my story three times. First to Darry, then to Soda and Steve, and then to Two-Bit who came over after his detention. Darry yelled a bit about me not using my head, but now that I think of it, who could have given me a ride home? Darry probably knew that no one could, but he had to let out his fear somehow. He fixed me up, (I think my nose may be broken again...) and sent me to bed. He told me that I wont have to go to school tomorrow cause he wants me to rest. I kinda want to go to school though. I don't wanna be left here alone.

Dear Journal,

Darry stayed with me today. He told me that it was fine, and the boss understood. I feel bad. But I was glad that he was here. I'm nervous to be alone now, and the gang is nervous of it too. I heard Darry talking to them last night while I was supposed to be sleeping. He told them to make sure I'm looked after. I know I should be feeling suffocated, but I don't. I just feel relieved. Cause if I'm alone with those loons again, they'll kill me for sure.

Dear Journal,

I'm in Wichita Falls right now. Or so this gas station worker guy tells me. I don't even know where Wichita Falls is. I think it's in Oklahoma. Not really sure. I'm writing this entry on a piece of paper the gas station worker guy (I think his name is Phil...) gave me. I'm tape it in my journal later. I'm super bored. The Socs basically knocked me out, kidnapped me, and dumped me in this dumb city. I didn't even see it coming. I was literally at my front door after Two-Bit dropped me off. He drove off and they snatched me from behind. I screamed and screamed but my stupid neighbors didn't hear me. They threw me in their trunk and I was in there for hours. I'm getting to know that trunk pretty well. Then we stopped and they dragged me out and slammed my head against the side of the car. The gas station guy, no, _Phil_ found me in an alleyway when he was taking out the trash. I'm not really hurt too bad, except for my head. It's bleeding like crazy. Phil gave me a towel for it, but it's almost soaked. He also let me call my brothers, and gave them directions to his gas station. Darry said he would drive as fast as he could, but probably wouldn't be there for like five hours. The police are on their way too. Phil said that they would probably get here before Darry. I think I've been gone for over twelve hours. I've got no clue how long I was laying in that alleyway. I'm kinda mixed up. My head hurts really bad and I want Darry and Soda. Phil wont let me go to sleep. Ugh. I'm tired. Every time I doze off he shakes me.

Dear Journal,

I'm back home. I was officially kidnapped. Says so on the police sheet. Darry gave the police the names of the four Socs (I have no clue how he knew their names. I think I'm just unobservant) and they have been charged for kidnapping. Ha. Only problem is, we've got no clue where they are. Two-Bit said they weren't at school today (I had to stay home again) and the police have checked all their homes. They've vanished I guess. Sketchy frikking Socs. I had to get five stitches in my head. And the Doctor told Darry to keep me in bed for at least three days. I'm missing tons of school. This is just like Windrixville. Sorta. I just hope the Socs are gone. They probably aren't though. I heard Soda and Steve talking last night, saying they were probably just bidding their time. Oh dear God, just let them be wrong.

**Review**

**:)**

**Next chapter will be less serious. :)**


	6. Sneaky TwoBit and 104 2

The Diary/Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I haven't been feeling so hot lately. Kind of like I did right after Johnny and Dally died. My head keeps hurting all day, and aspirin doesn't help much. I could take some more, than my usual, but I think seven aspirin at a time might just accidentally kill me.

Dear Journal,

I feel so crappy. Ugh. Oh well, I should be counting my blessings. You know what? I _am_ going to count my blessings. Maybe it will make me feel better.

#1 – I haven't been taken away by the state.

#2 – Darry and Soda love me to death.

#3 – Two-Bit and Steve are really good friends, even if Steve calls me smart-ass on a daily basis.

#4 – I don't have zits like so many poor souls at my school do.

#5 – We're having chocolate cake for dinner.

#6 – There is a heaven, and Mom, Dad, Johnny, and Dallas are in it.

#7 – Darry and Soda have jobs.

#8 – I've got good grades.

#9 – My hair is nearly back to brown (best one yet!)

#10 – We're also having chocolate milk with our dinner.

#11 – I'm not dead.

#12 – The Bridge Socs haven't bothered me for weeks. I think they're gone for good.

#13 – Soda can't get drafted because he streaked in a grocery store two years ago, and got arrested. You can't be in the military if you're a felon.

#14 – I got a new book today.

#15 – It's sunny.

All right. I'm done now. My head is hurting, so I don't wanna write too much more. But I do feel better.

Dear Journal,

Last night I woke up from a hideous nightmare that I didn't remember. I was sweating really bad and Soda took my temperature. I was so out of it. But I do know that my temperature was 104.2. Soda was freaking out. Seriously, he was. He screamed for Darry who came running in. I was so damn confused and still kinda am. Gosh my head still hurts. I want some frikking soup. Where the hell is Darry? Oops, got sidetracked. Uhhh, oh yeah. Darry was flipping out too cause I guess 104.2 is bad or something. They both kept yelling at me, asking how I felt. I just kept trying to go back to bed. But stupid Darry made me take a bath in freezing cold water. I could've died most likely. I think I screamed or something cause Darry and Soda kept telling me to shush. Jerks.

Dear Journal,

Meh.

Dear Journal,

Mehhhhhhhhh.

Dear Journal,

Still super sick. But I'm not insane anymore, which is a good sign. I've been laying in bed for the past three days and I honestly don't mind. I feel like such crap, that it's a relief.

Dear Journal,

i'm Ponyboy and i'm all sick and nasty and diseased. And I keep couging a lot which is gross. And i'm in love with Cherry Valence, even though I tell Two-Bit that i'm not into girls. Whatever. I watch sunsets cuz i'm a sentitive little greaser. And I have this cute little diary which I call a journal but it isnt a journal cause it's a diary. Ok ive gotta go and kiss Cherry now. Bye belovid diary.

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit took advantage of my being sick and sleeping and wrote that last entry. Trust me, I'm not that big of an idiot. I can spell. Plus my handwriting isn't chicken-scratch. What a freak. He keeps harassing me just because I'm sick and can't defend myself. Oh well, I'd better go and find a new hiding place for my _journal_ since Two-Bit managed to scope it out.

**Review :)**


	7. An Accidental Suicide

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

All right. I've re-hid this lovely little book. It is now in my pillowcase (on the bottom) and Two-Bit will never look there. That sneaky creep. I'm still really sick. My temperature keeps getting low, and then it will jump back up to 104 and scare the crap out of Darry and Soda. Darry is taking me to doctor today, and I really don't want to go. Ever since the whole Johnny thing... I just can't stand hospitals.

Dear Journal,

Today Steve told me that I have a zit on my nose. I told him it was because of my fever, and he just said, "whatever stops the tears kid." Steve sucks.

Dear Journal,

The Doctor gave Darry a prescription for me. They're fever reducing pills for when my temperature gets dangerously high, and to knock me out. He told Darry specifically to not give me more than two a day, ever, because they are super strong. Darry keeps them hidden somewhere in his room. It's like he thinks I'm going to kill myself or something.

Dear Journal,

I've had some pretty crappy moments, and I've had some pretty crappy days, where everything just seems to fall apart. The night that Johnny killed the Soc is definitely up there with horrible moments. And of course, the night when both Johnny and Dally died makes the top. But last night will forever be counted as one of the worst nights in my entire life. It even passes the night that I had to wait at that gas station in Kennewick.

What happened was this. My temperature was extremely high again last night. I don't exactly know what it was, but it had to have been at least 104. I just felt so sick and awful and like I needed to puke. No one was at the house. Soda and Steve and Two-Bit went to go somewhere fun I think, and Darry was still at work. I went into the bathroom to throw up, when I saw the pills that the Doctor had prescribed to me, sitting on the counter. Darry left them there yesterday when he had given me two. I was completely out of my mind and everything was all fuzzy. I was sitting on the ground, staring up at the bottle, when a man came through the doorway. He was black-haired and good-looking. I don't even think he was a man. He was kind of a teenager, and very well-dressed. But I couldn't, and still can't figure out who he was. But he looked at me with a hateful expression and cold eyes. I was scared, but also really mixed up. He came and sat by me on the floor. He touched my forehead and it was eerie. Something really cold, like metal, hit my skin when his hand made contact. But I didn't get to see what it was, because he pulled his hand away too fast, and began talking.

"You know," he said to me. "Your fever is really high. You need to take some of those pills that the Doctor gave you."

"Yes," I answered him. "But just two. Darry says just two."

"Oh shoot," he said pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "You're a murderer, right? Murderers take more than two pills." His eyes flashed cold. I shivered.

"I can't," I told him. "It'll kill me."

"If you don't," he whispered right in my face. "Both of your brothers will die. Do you hear me? Because they can't live while you're alive."

And for some reason, I believed that. For some reason, it made total sense.

So I stood up and steadied myself against the counter. I looked at myself in the mirror and the kid looked at me too. He smiled a cold smile and patted me on the shoulder. He turned to walk out of the doorway, but I saw him vanish before he ever got there. I was determined to save my brothers, so I took the entire bottle, which was about eight pills.

Right after I swallowed them down, I started to come back to my senses. I don't think I've ever been so afraid in all my life. I just stared at myself in the mirror, amazed that I had just killed myself. That's how Darry found me. Staring at myself in the mirror with an empty pill bottle in my hand.

"What's wrong, buddy?" he asked me quietly.

I started feeling violently sick. I turned to him and said, "I took the pills. I took them all."

Darry freaked out. He rushed at me and wasted absolutely no time. I'd be dead now if it wasn't for Darry's determination. He ripped open the medicine cabinet and took out a brownish glass bottle. He made me kneel in front of the toilet and drink half of whatever was in the glass bottle. Instantly, I began to throw up. I threw up for what felt like hours, and Darry just sat with me the entire time. In between retches, I painstakingly told him what happened. That a teenage boy had somehow broken into the house, how he had told me what to do, how I began to feel scared about taking the pills.

If Darry was weirded out by my freakish story, he hid it well. He kind of just nodded and rubbed my back, and said at least eighty times, "It's all right, baby." After I had thrown up everything from the past month of my life, he gave me a drink of water and loaded me in the truck to take me to the hospital. I felt so out of it that I didn't even care. We were there for hours. I had to get my stomach pumped, even though I threw up practically every organ I possess. The Doctor said that it was good that there were only eight in the bottle, just two more would have killed me almost instantly. And it was also good that Darry had made me throw up right away, so the drugs could take no effect. Because they were kind of sleeping pills, some bad things could have happened.

I don't even remember coming home. I just remember waking up this morning to see Soda sitting in an armchair, crying and stroking my hair and Darry laying next to me with his arm over my chest. I think they've switched personalities or something. Ugh, horrible horrible day. Things aren't so great right now.

**Review :) A slice of chocolate cake to whoever knows who the teenage kid was that came and talked to Ponyboy. ;)**


	8. The Teenager Returns

**Hey all :) I'm really liking the kind reviews that I've been receiving. Okay, so last chapter I made a major typo. I said that the teenage boy was blonde which was wrong. I fixed the typo, which now states that the boy had black hair. Him being blonde probably was the main reason that so many of you thought him to be Dallas. Oh well, I like your confusion. Send me flames for it, I don't really care. Mystery is fun. And I'll tell you now, the boy wasn't Dallas. And I will also tell you that the boy will be returning in this chapter and probably the next.**

**Happy reading.**

**-learning**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I'm losing my mind. Literally, I think so. I've missed at least two weeks of school, but Darry isn't even trying to get me to go back. He is worried about me, I can tell. I'm having horrible nightmares. Sometimes I remember, and then I always have that one that I don't. I had a nightmare last night about Dally. He was talking to the black-haired, handsome boy that broke into my house the other day. I think Dally was yelling at him, telling him to stay on "his side" and leave me alone. The black-haired boy just looked my way with hard eyes. I woke up, screaming my head off. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. Soda followed me in, begging to know what was the matter. I told him that the teenage boy was in my dreams. Darry came in the bathroom, trying to figure out what all the noise was and heard me talking about the boy. He forced me to my feet and grabbed the tops of my arms, telling me a little loudly that the boy wasn't real. That no one could have broken into our house because all the doors had been locked. We lock the doors all the time now, ever since the bridge Socs. Anyways, Darry is lying. There was a boy. He was in the bathroom, and told me to kill myself. I couldn't have just imagined him, could I?

Dear Journal,

Steve is taking most of Soda's shifts so my brother can stay home with me most of the day. That or Two-Bit skips school to look after me. No one wants me left alone. I don't want to be left alone either. That black-haired kid is going to come back. He is in my dreams every night. It's super nice of Steve to take Soda's shifts and still give him the money. Steve hasn't been teasing me at all lately, so I know that everyone is really worried about me.

Dear Journal,

The black-haired boy is in my house right now. Soda is at the DX talking to his boss, and Two-Bit is helping his mother with his kid-sister who has the chicken pox. I think everyone kind of forgot that I'm alone. I was just standing in the kitchen doing dishes when I looked up at my reflection in the window and he was there. HE WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO ME! I'm freaking out, I'm freaking out, I'm freaking out. God please help me. I ran into my room and locked the door. He is still out there, I can hear him breathing and stuff. I wish that I have a phone in this stupid room. Oh please, just let someone come home. I want Darry or Soda to come, like they always do.

Dear Journal,

I sat in my room last night hiding from the boy for at least two hours. Finally, Darry came home from work and called for me. I was afraid that the kid was hiding somewhere and would pop out and stab Darry or something. So I ran out of my room to warn Darry. I found my oldest brother, standing my the couch and just started to fall apart. I rushed over to him and became hysterical. He opened his arms to me, saying how sorry he was that everyone had gotten mixed up and left me alone. I just hung onto him around the middle, so even if he would have wanted to, I couldn't be shaken off. I sobbed about how the teenage kid had broken back into out house, and that he was hiding somewhere. At that time, Soda and Steve came in. They saw me and started to look really afraid. Darry was trying to calm me down, and tell me that no one could have ever have broken into the house. Every door was locked, he told me again. I didn't (still don't) believe him. Just then, the boy came out of the bathroom twirling Two-Bit's old switchblade in his fingers. The one that Dally had on him when he died. I thought it had been lost. How on earth had that freaky kid gotten it? Had he searched Dally's body right after he died? I released Darry and walked towards the kid, screaming at him to leave and to give Two-Bit his blade back. I told him that I wasn't going to take his crap anymore, and to leave me alone. Darry came up behind me and grabbed me around the waist, saying in my ear that no one was there. I looked up and saw the boy go back into the bathroom. I cried and yelled that he was in the bathroom, just hiding. Go look, I told them. So Soda and Steve walked past me and Darry to go look in the bathroom. Darry let me follow, but kept a grip on my arm the entire time. They looked in the bathroom, and I did a bit too. But he wasn't there. Somehow, he had vanished.

Dear Journal,

Wow I've been so out of it lately. My fever has been 104 for the past three days. It even hit 105 once. Darry made me sit in a tub full of ice then. I guess I screamed, but quite honestly, I don't remember it at all. I feel a lot better though. The only issue is, Darry and Soda tell me that I've been sick for at least three weeks. That can't be right. It only feels like a few days. They've also been really gentle and wary around me, like I'm going to blow. I don't understand any of it. It's just a little fever, right? It isn't like I've thrown up, or had to go to the doctor yet.

**Review this crazed story please. Sorry for all the creepiness. I just saw The Woman in Black (shudder) last night and I guess this is kinda sounding like that a bit. But Pony's nutty spree will be over soon, I promise. And I'm still looking for guesses on who that dang BLACK HAIRED kid is :)**

**And I've updated twice in one day. Don't think I'm a loser, but watching the superbowl with my family bores me...**


	9. Something Gold Has Got to Stay

**I just love when I get reviews. This story is fun. Keeps me learning :)**

**So I've got a lot of guesses for who the teenage kid is who is terrorizing Ponyboy. You'll find out in this chapter :) Most of you have been right.**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

It's been so strange. I've been reading back through my journal entries of the past weeks, and I don't remember anything in my past like, eight entries. I don't remember trying to kill myself, I don't remember throwing up, I don't remember any nightmares, I don't remember Steve taking Soda's shifts, I don't remember Two-Bit looking after me. Heck, I don't even remember going to the Doctor to get those fever pills in the first place. And I certainly don't remember any dark-haired, teenage boy. I keep telling Darry and Soda that I don't remember and they just don't know what to do about me. I feel bad for causing them so much trouble. Things are just so mixed up. And no one really gets it. Soda probably would, if he could just stop being so nervous about my condition and listen to me. And I know that Johnny will understand. I hope he comes by to visit soon. I feel like I haven't seen him in forever. Maybe he just doesn't want to get sick.

Dear Journal,

I'm so annoyed. There is this kid named Sodapop (I know, ridiculous name) in my house right now. He keeps talking to me and I've got no clue who he is. I've never seen him in all my life. Whenever he asks me a question I kind of just stare at him, wondering why is is invading my house. Weirdo.

Dear Journal,

Nothing makes sense anymore. I'm in a hospital. The Doctor gave me some paper to write things down on, and I guess I'll just write another entry. I don't know where the rest of my journal is, but when I find it, I'll stick this in it.

These two guys took me here. One was named Darry and the other, Sodapop. Funky names, I tell you. Two more boys I think are named Steve and Toobitt (sp?) are always tagging along with them. Darry is the bigger one and he is sleeping in an armchair by my bed. I don't know who he is, but I hope he stays here. For some reason, he makes me feel safer. Another teenage kid with dark hair and mean eyes keeps climbing in through the hospital window. He comes up to my bed and just stares at me. It is really scary. That's why I want Darry here.

The other boy, Sodapop, keeps going out in the hall and crying. Every time he comes in here he asks if I know who he is. I tell him no, cause I don't want to lie. Darry tells him to calm down, and be cool in front of me. So he goes out in the hall. He was crying pretty hard a half hour ago, but now he's stopped.

Is anything real? Is this Darry guy real? Is the teenager that climbs through the window real? He sure does hate me, but I don't know why. I asked Darry who the kid was once when he was just standing by my bed, and Darry looked at me for a long time. The Sodapop crybaby guy burst into tears when I asked that. Darry told me that the teenager wasn't real. So I don't really get if anything is real. And the thing that scares me the most, is I don't know my name. I wonder if I was given one.

Dear Journal,

Gosh, a lot has changed since I last wrote. It has been at least two and a half weeks since my last entry, and I'll admit, reading that back is really scary. I've been so out of my mind, but luckily everything has been getting better. It turns out that if you have a fever above, or even at 104 too long it starts to have some really funky effects on your brain. I was just feverish and sick for too much time, and it started to mess me up. It gave me hallucinations and it hurt the part of my brain which stores memories. Luckily, it wasn't permanent and all my memories came flooding back. However, that was not exactly a good thing. When I say flooding back, I mean it.

I had been in the hospital for two days having no idea who I was, or what was going on. Darry and Soda kept trying to explain things to me, but it just made me freaked out. Then, one night I just randomly woke up. I woke up and every single thing that has happened to me my entire life just flashed through my brain. It only took probably ten seconds, but I swear I sat there for days. I started bawling my head off and Darry woke up from his spot by my bed. Soda was out in a bed in the hallway, and I think Steve was too. He got up and sat with me on my bed, and someone else sat on my bed too. It was the teenage boy that has been haunting me for weeks. And since I remembered everything again, it clicked into place who he was. The kid was Bob, the Soc that Johnny had killed months ago. He just stared at me and I screamed and screamed. I understood then that this boy had never been real. That he was dead. I hid my face into Darry's shirt until I fell asleep. Even when I woke up, he was still holding me and Soda was stroking my hair. I told Soda that I remembered him. I told him a zillion things that him and I have done to prove it to him and he cried. I swear, Soda wont be capable of crying anymore if he keeps this up. Oh well, I don't really blame him. Then I told Darry that I used to think he hated me, but now I knew that he loved me. That was a pretty good moment. I felt happy, but could still sense Bob lurking around.

Then the Doctor said I had a chemical imbalance in my brain because of my long-term fever. The fever had broken, finally, but I still had effects. That was why I was having hallucinations so often. So I had to have a lot of tests done on me. The entire time, Bob watched me. Gosh it scared me. I don't think I let go of Darry and or Soda once in the past two weeks because I was just so afraid of being alone. Sometimes if they had to leave, they would send in Two-Bit or Steve. I didn't care. I clung onto them too. As long as I was holding onto the gang, Bob couldn't get me.

I was prescribed pills that will chemically balance me. I'll have to take them for the rest of my life. They have some side effects, but the Doctor says it's cause' I'm young, and haven't been taking them for very long. Shoot, I'll have a bloody nose any day if it will just get rid of Bob. And it has. My pills work really well. I'm home now, and they still work. I haven't had a hallucination for nearly a week. Bob is gone and I'm super glad. So I'm just resting now, and being slightly clingy to Darry and Soda. I still get kinda scared. But I don't think they mind. I don't think they care what I do, as long as I remember who they are. I love them, and everything they do for me.

Phew, that was a lot to write. But I'm glad to get all this stuff down. Things will be looking up now hopefully. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe something good will come out of all this craziness. I've just gotta keep my head up and stay gold.

**You like? Review! And check out my newest Outsiders one shot, _Finding Dallas Winston_**.


	10. A Difference in Opinions

**I am just loving the reviews I've gotten for this little story! They are all so kind and positive. I honestly don't think I've gotten one bad review. Not that I'm discouraging any of you from sending me constructive criticism, because I'm not. But thanks so much for taking interest in my story.**

**Happy reading to you. **

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Things have been getting a lot better. I've been feeling less crappy. My medicine works really well with balancing me out. It has been giving me some funky side effects though. I've been getting a lot of nosebleeds. I don't think I've ever just gotten a natural nosebleed in my life. You know, like a nosebleed that isn't started from being punched in the face. I've also passed out a couple of times, which has been lame. Darry called the Doctor about it, and he said there was nothing to worry about, so I guess it's no big deal.

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit and Steve were so rude to me today. I was just sitting on the couch, minding my own business and reading Les _Miserables_. Two-Bit and Steve were just in the kitchen talking, Soda was getting something out of the bedroom, and Darry was still at work. Well, I got to the part where Eponine dies and I started to cry a little bit. It was just so sad! Plus I've never read that book before, and things are always saddest the first time. Well Two-Bit came and sat by my on the couch and joked about me reading a dictionary. Then he saw that I was crying and got all worried, thinking I was having some kind of side effect probably. I told him I was crying cause a girl in my book had died. He went real silent and when I looked up from the book at him, he was staring at me. Then he burst into laughter. I told him to shut up, but he just kept laughing. Flipping jerk. Then Steve came in to see what was going on and Two-Bit told him that my book had made me cry. Steve kinda smirked at me and called me, 'the sweetest little greaser ever made.' Not a compliment, I believe. Honestly, what's wrong with a book making someone cry?

Dear Journal,

I've missed so much school. I'm going back this Monday, but I think it will be impossible to make up all the work. I'm just so damn behind. I missed a lot of school during Windrixville, I missed some when the bridge Socs were hanging around, and I've missed tons recently while I've been sick. It's likely that I'll have to repeat this year. Oh joy.

Dear Journal,

School's been okay. But I was right, I am really behind. I'll try my best to pick up everything, though. Being set back a whole year doesn't sound too hot. Even if I'm ahead a year. My heart's been set on graduating at seventeen, so I need to get it together.

Dear Journal,

In Biology today my nose started to bleed. Two-Bit is in that class with me, so he took me in the bathroom to get a tissue. But it didn't stop bleeding. We waited in the bathroom, and then the bell rang so Two-Bit went and got our stuff. He came back and it still hadn't stopped. We waited in there for a super long time, and eventually he just decided to take me home. I didn't mind, because going through the entire day with a gushing nose didn't sound too appealing. But this just adds to another day of school that I've missed.

Dear Journal,

Okay, so here is my proposition. I'm fourteen, will be fifteen in about five months. I'm pretty young. I'm pretty mature for my age because of skipping a grade and such, but I'm still pretty mentally young despite all that. Everyone, (a.k.a. The gang) was kind of teasing me today because of my lack of interest in girls. I like girls, I just don't really know what to do about it right now. I mean, why be in a relationship at this age? It'll just end in a couple of months, if you're lucky. I told them that I was just too young. Two-Bit was saying:

"Gosh kid, when I was your age I had already lost my virginity." he told me. I reddened and said quietly,

"Oh, well I kinda thought you were supposed to wait til' you're married for that."

Well, that sure caused an uproar. Soda and Steve laughed, asking me if I thought they were saving themselves for marriage. I'm not an idiot. I know Soda, Steve, Two-Bit and probably even Darry are no innocents. Darry just doesn't boast about it like the other three do. In my opinion, wouldn't it be better that way? I mean, date around, kiss some girls, make relationships but just not go all the way there? At least until you find the right person. I know that I wont want my wife to have been with a bunch of other guys. And I don't think she will want me to have been with lots of other girls. What if in the future, I'm walking down the street with my wife, and I accidentally bump into a girl that I've done it with? Gosh that would be awkward. But none of the guys really understood my reasoning. They all just kept teasing me about it. Except Darry. He told them to lay off, and that I was way more responsible than they would ever be. Then he gave me a wink. Darry's a good guy. I used to think he didn't really get me, but I guess he understands some things.

**Review :)**


	11. Why I Don't Date

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Wow, I haven't written in forever. I've just been so busy with schoolwork. Summer started two days ago, but I have a ton of work to do over the summer. But if I get it all done fast and do it right, I'll pass freshman year. Gosh, being a freshman has sucked. But, I guess I've grown a bit this year, because tonight, for the first time ever, I have a date. Yeah, I know I've always said that I don't want to date girls but I think I might as well give it a try, just once. Plus she's really calm and classy (for a greaser girl). I met her in Algebra, and we've been friends for the parts of the year that I've actually been at school. So I asked her out on the last day. She seemed pretty glad.

Dear Journal,

I just got back from my date with Kelly. It really wasn't that bad. Actually... it was sort of wonderful. We went to a drive in move (no car for us though. Stupid age) and got some ice cream and walked around a park for a while. Then I took her home at around eleven. I hope it wasn't too early. I couldn't stay out too late, or Darry would ask who I was with. No way am I telling him, or any of the gang that I went out with a girl. The only thing that I think may have gone wrong was when I dropped her off, she may have been leaning in to kiss me. I'm not exactly educated in that art, so I don't know. It sure did seem like it though. I got real nervous and took a big step back from her. She looked a little upset, but how would I know? I can't read girls. They're so damn confusing.

Dear Journal,

I went out with Kelly again tonight. The boys are starting to question me. But I'll never let them find out. Not ever. Kelly and I walked by the river and just talked for most of the night. It's cool that she can just talk and not be cussing and giggling like most girls. We held hands for a little bit and then let go. Then, when I tried to hold her hand again she folded her arms. I don't get it. Last night she wants to kiss me, tonight she wont hold my hand for more than ten minutes. And she tried to kiss me again when I dropped her off, but I just couldn't do it. Not after the second date. But I really do like her, and I think she likes me.

Dear Journal,

Steve told me today that he knows a secret about me. His face was really evil. I'm afraid.

Dear Pony,

Yeah, I know your secret. Don't leave your effing DIARY in my car after I drop you off from school. You're lucky I didn't show it to anyone else. Now maybe you wont be such a damn smart ass to me, since I know so many wonderful things about you.

Love Your Bestest Friend,

Steve

Dear Journal,

Damn it. I don't use my head.

Dear Journal,

So Steve (and no one else. Thank God) knows about Kelly. He's seen her around at school a couple of times and told me that he approves. I don't need that loser's approval. He told me that he wouldn't tell if I made him an apple pie. I asked him what the point of that was, since he knew I have no idea how to make pie. He said that _was_ the point. Stupid Steve.

Dear Journal,

I had to make Steve eight pies. Yes, eight frikking pies. Because he kept finding issues with them, and told me that he would tell my secret if I didn't make a right one. Darry and Soda are confused. Ugh, they're gonna figure it out.

Dear Journal,

I'm going out with Kelly again tonight. I'm going to kiss her. I can do it. I just need to not be nervous.

Dear Journal,

I didn't kiss her. She leaned in again, and I just couldn't do it. Ughhhh. I'm the worst.

Dear Journal,

Today, I walked into the DX to say hi to Soda. Steve was outside filling someone's gas tank. I walked in the station and saw Soda at the counter, kissing some cute brunette girl. When I got a better look at the girl, I saw that it was Kelly. Let me say that again, KELLY WAS KISSING SODA VERY VERY DISGUSTINGLY WHEN I WALKED INTO THE DX! Damn it! I just kind of stood there and watched them. Then to add to my glorious luck, Steve decided to walk in just then. He saw Soda kissing Kelly and gasped. He looked really fast at me and I just looked at him, then started to leave the gas station. Right before I was out the door, I looked over my shoulder, and Kelly had seen me. She let go of Soda real fast, but I just turned back around and left. Stupid Kelly chased after me anyways and said that she was so sorry. They had just been talking a lot, and then before she knew it, were kissing. I rolled my eyes at her. I told her that that was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. It turned into a bit of a shouting match, me telling her that she was desperate and her telling me that I need to learn how to kiss girls. Then she stomped off. See? This is why I don't date. It never ever ends well, and quite honestly... I don't think I'm very good at it. Ugh, girls are just idiots right now. I'll date again in five years... maybe.

Dear Journal,

Soda feels really bad. Traitorous Steve told him everything, and I'm pretty sure they both told Two-Bit and Darry. Everyone was really careful around me tonight, and I'm glad. I'm still pretty pissed. The stupid broad made no sense. I try to hold her hand, she refuses. I want to take it slow, and she tries to kiss me every night! Isn't the boy supposed to kiss the girl first? And why would she be kissing someone that she had just met at a gas station? And why did it have to be MY brother?

Dear Journal,

Soda keeps trying to say sorry to me. I just tell him to forget it. Two-Bit is making secret little jokes to me about having finally gone out with a girl. I'm seriously about ready to strangle him. I'm not really mad at Soda. It isn't his fault Kelly wanted to kiss someone that badly. I had my experience and tried dating out. I can officially say it was lame.

**Reviews are always welcome :) Anything, just tell me what you thought! Please please!**


	12. What Happens in Vegas?

**Love the reviews. As long as I keep getting them, I'll update this story. When the reviews stop, I wont update anymore. This is kind of a timeless story, as in it can't really have an end. I guess it could end when Pony dies... I dunno. But just keep up the reviews. You all rock :)**

**-learning**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I've gotten a lot of my summer homework done. I want to get a job, but Darry wont let me. He says I just need to make my schoolwork the very best that I can. Oh well. I guess that means I've got a pretty free summer.

Dear Journal,

Me and Two-Bit are so so bored. Neither of us have jobs, or lives pretty much. We just sit at the house and stare at each other all day. Literally, today we had a staring contest for and hour. We're so pathetic.

Dear Journal,

Today Two-Bit just snapped and said that we were going on an adventure. He told me to pack some stuff for a couple of days, and he would write a note to Darry. I was so bored that I didn't even object. We swung by his house and he got some stuff too. Now we're just driving... and driving... and driving. I wonder where the hell we're going. Oh well. Something to do, ya know?

Dear Journal,

We drove for hours and hours. Then we stopped at this little motel and stayed a night. Now we're driving again. I keep asking Two-Bit where we're going, but he says little children shouldn't ask questions. I don't get that because A.) I'll be fifteen in about a month and B.) Two-Bit isn't really THAT much older than me, so he can't really call me a child. Oh well. I've also been telling Two-Bit that we should call Darry, but he said he will call him when we actually get to our destination. Glory, I hope Darry aint' that pissed.

Dear Journal,

We're in Las Vegas! City of lights! Heck yes! Leave it to Two-Bit to shed some light on my boring boring life! We just got here, and don't have enough money to stay in one of the really fancy hotels, but where we're staying isn't really that bad. And you can see the strip pretty well from the window. Two-Bit just called Darry. Dear God, he is not so happy about me being in Vegas. But he just told Two-Bit to look after me super, super well and come home fast.

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit and I went sight-seeing today. We only have one day here, says Darry, so we saw as much as we could. Glory, I don't know if I could ever live in a city like this. It's just so huge. But I'll admit, everything is really fancy and cool. I like it. Two-Bit really wants to go out and party tonight or something, but I can only guess what goes on in Vegas parties. So I told him that I'd be fine here, and to go without me. I'm not too interested in getting wasted tonight, or ever really. So Two-Bit left, and I'm just in our hotel room watching some TV. I liked this adventure.

Dear Journal,

Scratch the last line of my last journal entry. This adventure is very, very painful. Last night (we're driving home now) I went out of the hotel room to use the pay phone and call Darry or Soda. I was just standing at the phone, putting in my money when I got yanked from behind. Some freaking Vegas thug dragged me, kicking and screaming, to the side of the hotel. I don't think he had a blade or anything, he was just huge. He told me to give him my money, so I gave him my pitiful quarter. That pissed him off, so he started beating me up. I fought and screamed. I managed to pull away from him, but he grabbed me by the arm and I heard my shoulder _pop_. We both froze and looked down at my shoulder. Then I screamed my loudest yet because it freaking hurt. Two-Bit was just coming back, and thank God he wasn't too wasted. He ripped me from the guy, who just ran away like a loser. Two-Bit turned to me and looked sorrier than he has ever looked ever. Then, I just stared to laugh. I laughed and laughed until I started to feel sick. Two-Bit demanded to know what was wrong, and I just told him that I have the stupidest luck ever. He looked at me and then laughed a little too. We went inside and he bought some painkillers for me from the gift-shop place. They knocked me out, so last night really wasn't too painful. But now I'm in the car, and the pain is full force. God it hurts. It wont move, as in my arm will NOT move. No matter what. It just doesn't respond anymore. I don't know what's wrong with it, and neither does Two-Bit. He kinda tried to feel around my shoulder blade, but I just pushed him away. It hurts too bad for anyone to be poking at it.

Dear Journal,

I'm home now. Two-Bit just kept giving me painkillers the entire ride home, so I would be knocked out and not feel anything. Well, that was all fine, but now I'm sitting here on the couch waiting for Darry to decide if he's gonna take me to the hospital or not. Yeah, Darry isn't to pleased by the way. He would've been fine if Two-Bit would have brought me home unscathed, but now my shoulder is all wacky. Poor Two-Bit. It's not his fault I'm impossible to look after.

Dear Journal,

Steve, once again, fixed me up. Last night him and Soda got home from work. Darry and Two-Bit told them everything that happened. I would've talked too, but the pain was just too bad. If I would've talked, I'd start bawling. Soda saw how much pain I was obviously in, and told Darry that we just needed to go to the doctor. Then Steve came and sat by me saying that he could save us a trip and a bill. He kind of felt my shoulder, like he did my nose that one day. I tried to wriggle away, but it hurt too bad, and my arm still wasn't moving. I don't know what he did, but he kinda shifted my shoulder blade and raised my arm. God, it hurt so so bad. Then he twisted a little and shifted it so that it popped right back into place. I cried out and Soda flinched. Darry shut his eyes tight, and Two-Bit looked sick. But Steve looked pleased, which he should have. He fixed it really well. The shoulder was still hurting, so Darry gave me some more pills so I'd be knocked out. God, I've got no clue where Steve gets all his medical skills.

Dear Journal,

I saw Kelly at the grocery store today. Gross.

Dear Journal,

So, I wont lie anymore. I liked me and Two-Bit's adventure. Even if I got mugged, and my shoulder dislocated, it was a memory, a story to tell. I hope we do another soon.

**Reviews work for me :)**


	13. A Crack in the Windshield

**Hey all :) So Pony is fifteen now and is gonna start driving. I don't know when you all get your permits, but in my state you get them when you turn fifteen. So... Pony gets his when he turns fifteen too because I say so. Thanks for reading :)**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I turned fifteen yesterday, so now Darry is officially going to take me out driving. I'm kind of afraid because Darry is slightly scary. Plus I'm a little spastic when I'm nervous. So we'll see how this all goes.

Dear Journal,

I don't want Darry to take me driving anymore. He yells at me the whole time that I'm not paying attention, or stopping right, or going slow enough. Blah blah blah! Darry is so damn uptight, I tell you. I actually thought I was doing pretty good, but no. Not according to him. Everything I did was wrong! He almost made me crash because of how frikkin nervous he made me. Tomorrow, Soda is taking me driving. Screw Darry.

Dear DIARY,

Dont worry Pony. Ill take you driving. 3

Dear Journal,

Ugh, TWO-BIT! Why do I hide my journal like an idiot?

Dear Journal,

Well, I'm in trouble. Soda and Steve (bad combination, I've realized) took me driving today, because they got home before Darry. It wasn't even my fault, the accident. I was making my turn when a car sped right in front of me and I had to hit the breaks super fast. Luckily the bastard didn't hit us, but I had to stop so abruptly that we all flew forward. And, like the clever teenage boys we are, not one of us was wearing a seat belt. Steve hit his stomach right onto the dashboard, and he probably has a broken rib or something. We aren't really sure. Steve put his arm out to keep Soda from flying forward, and Soda put his arm out to keep _me_ from flying forward. Steve did his in time, but Soda didn't really. He smashed his hand on the dash, and he messed up his fingers somehow. I flew right into the windshield, but Soda did stop me a little bit, so I didn't go all the way through. But I hit my head on the glass, leaving this huge crack. And it hurtsssssss. Ugh. It took us forever to stop the bleeding. Steve just pressed it really hard for a while, but he thinks it needs stitches. We can't go to the doctor. The state could find out, plus we don't have the money. I'm not too excited for Darry to come home.

Dear Journal,

I hate Darry. Call me an angsty, rude teenager but I mean it this time. I hate him. He is such a jerk. He came home last night, and flipped out when he heard our story. He also flipped out when he saw at least three blood-soaked washrags in the sink. He screamed and screamed at me, saying that I'm irresponsible, and wont be allowed to even set foot in a car until I'm eighteen and no longer in his custody. He was gonna take me to the hospital, but Steve calmed him down and said if we had the right stuff in our first aid kit, he could stitch me together (again with his doctoring-ness). Anyways, Darry STILL yelled at me WHILE I was being stitched in my head. And he didn't even effing get mad at Soda! He looked at his hand, gave him some aspirin, and told him to go to bed. Then Steve was done, left, and it was just me and Darry. Joy. He yelled some more of how I don't use my head, and too unobservant. "What were you thinking, Pony?" he said to me. "Thinking about some stupid book, or a dumb story that you'll write? You could have killed Soda and Steve!"

I just stood and looked at him, and I felt my eyes fill with tears. He didn't even care that I could've flown through the windshield and died. Darry never cares. He yelled until he got tired and just shoved me off to bed. The crash wasn't even my fault. It was that speeder's. And if Darry hadn't yelled at me in the first place when we first went driving, I wouldn't have had to sneak off with Soda and Steve.

Dear Journal,

It's been four days, and Darry and I haven't spoken one word to each other. I'm so pissed at him, I don't even know what to do. And neither does Soda. For once, he has nothing to say to either of us.

**Review 3**


	14. If You're Not Too Mad, Darry

**Updated twice in two days :) Get on my level.**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Man, dinner is awkward. Since me and Darry haven't spoken in a week, I've had some experience that the three Curtis brothers eating together isn't gonna work out. So I just say I'm doing homework now when I'm called to dinner. Darry doesn't care enough to come and make me eat anyways.

Dear Journal,

I just don't know how to fix things between Darry and I. I can't talk to him, believe me, I've tried. He is seriously angry with me! Ugh! Soda had tried to talk me around, but nothing he is saying sounds like it will help much. He says to try and apologize to Darry but I have two issues with that. #1 – The crash was NOT my fault! I wasn't speeding, drunk, or looking away from the road at all! I'm a good effing driver! #2 – Talking to Darry right now is a very frightening thought.

Dear Journal,

Okay, so I just heard a conversation between Soda and Darry that has made me kinda confused. Here's what happened:

I was supposed to be asleep, but woke up because Soda had left the bed. I went out in the hall to find him and heard them talking at the dinner table. Soda was telling Darry the exact same things he told me. To apologize to me, and be the bigger person. Darry was sounding really down. He said that he was sorry for what he said to me, and he saw that it really hurt my feelings. "Did you see his face?" he asked Sodapop. "While I was yelling at him, his face just changed. I don't think I've ever felt worse in all my life."

"Then tell him that. Pony really didn't do anything wrong." said Soda. Darry moaned and said that he just didn't know how. He said that all his anger was just let out on me that night because ever since I had started driving, every possible horrible scenario was going through his mind. From me being held by gunpoint in my own car, to me laying splattered across the road. And the accident was just the kindling to the fire. Soda just said some more stuff to him, but they started talking so quietly that there was no way I could hear them anymore. Now I feel kinda bad for Darry, but I don't want to.

Dear Journal,

Darry still hasn't said sorry to me, even after the conversation him and Soda had last night. I'm super confused, and just don't know what to do. We still aren't speaking. I wonder if he is still super mad at me. I don't want him to hate me anymore. It's depressing.

Dear Journal,

Soda went out last night for a long time because he was just so sick of me and Darry being such losers to each other. I didn't want to have to talk to Darry because he was still giving me the silent treatment. It was super stormy last night. There was loads of thunder and lightning. A thunder clap woke me up in the middle of the night. I looked at the clock, which said 1:24 a.m. Soda still wasn't home. I wished he was cause my room was kinda creepy. Then, lightning lit my room up and I saw something in the corner. It was Bob. He was just standing there. Oh God I was so afraid. I just froze, staring at the corner. When the lightening flashed again, he was a step closer. I remembered then that I forgot to take my pills this morning that balance me out. I don't know why I forgot, I'm just stupid I guess. I didn't want Bob to get any closer, so I bolted out of my room. The whole house was dark. Darry's door was shut, but there was a sliver of yellow light peeping from under his door, so I knew he was awake. The storm raged outside, and Bob sat in my room. Tears started to fall from my eyes in fear of going back into my creepy room and sleeping alone, and fear of knocking on Darry's door. Finally I just sucked it up and knocked. Darry yelled out for me to come in. I opened the door slowly.

"Darry?" I said timidly, wiping a few tears. "If you're not too mad, could I sleep in here tonight?"

He was in his pajamas and sitting up in bed doing some paperwork that looked like bills. His face changed from depressed exhaustion to depressed remorse. He pushed all of the papers off oh his bed quickly. I stood there, waiting.

"Of course I'm not too mad," he said gently. I let out a breath of relief and shut his door behind me tightly. I carefully walked over to him and crawled in bed. Darry put his hand on my shoulder.

"Are you shaking?" he asked. I didn't realize my own trembling, and I couldn't control it. Seeing Bob hasn't done me many favors. I just nodded a little. Darry hugged me and said that he was sorry, out of the blue. I looked at him, and said that I was sorry too. Then I laid down and Darry turned the light off. The storm still raged outside and somewhere in the house (or my mind, I guess) Bob was lurking. But with Darry I didn't feel scared.

Dear Journal,

Soda and the boys are confused because me and Darry have been talking and joking again like nothing ever happened. Oh well, I don't really feel like telling them the story. Soda does seem pretty happy about us not fighting anymore. I'm pretty happy too. And what's more, Darry took me driving again today. I could tell that he was really tense, but he kept it together pretty well enough. Maybe it's a good thing that I forgot to take my medicine that morning; in a twisted way. Because of it, me and Darry aren't mad anymore.

**Read this Author's Note! **

**Thanks. So I'm wondering what you guys are wanting. I've got a zillion more serious chapters that I could do, but I can also lighten up things if that is what you guys want. Give me ideas and feedback. Funny chapters, or serious ones that tell a story? As always, review :)**

**-learning**


	15. Being Lonesome

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I've been kinda lonesome lately. Darry, Soda, and Steve are at work for most of the day, and Two-Bit isn't always around. He stops by to see me as much as he can, but he can't be around me every second of the day. He's got other things to do. So I'm just basically alone at the house all day. I miss Johnny. I miss hanging out with him. I miss Dally coming to pick us up and drive us around town. I need a friend. My only friend right now is Two-Bit, and he is almost twenty-one.

Dear Journal,

I think Darry and Soda feel bad that I'm home alone so much. They shouldn't feel bad. It isn't their fault, really. If they have to work, they have to work. It's basically all for me.

Dear Journal,

Today me and Two-Bit almost died of boredom. Summer kinda sucks. We just sat on my couch and watched Mickey. I don't understand that show. Why is Mickey a mouse? What is the point of him being a mouse? I asked Two-Bit these questions, and he said; "You know you're losing your mind when you start questioning things like Mickey Mouse." Stupid Two-Bit.

Dear Journal,

I just don't get it. Johnny and Dally have been dead for nearly eight months now. I though I had gotten over it all. But I guess I haven't. Sometimes it just hits me with full force, right in the gut. It's probably because I have so much time on my hands lately, and so much room to think. I just keep thinking of how much better life would be right now if they were alive. It's funny how much you take people for granted. I didn't really appreciate what a good friend Johnny was to me while he was here. And I didn't even like Dally. I though he was a heartless hood. But he wasn't completely. I just didn't see it.

Dear Journal,

Today I was super bored and just wanted to do something productive. Steve had taken Soda and Darry to work today, so the pickup truck was here. I decided to drive to the cemetery where Johnny and Dallas are buried I've only ever been there one other time; their funerals. So I just drove and drove until I found it. Then I had to wander around to find their graves. Dally's was easiest because he was right on the outer edge. Even in death he's an outsider. I stopped by his for a little bit, then went to look for Johnny's. His parents chose his spot because they want to be buried next to him. That doesn't make much sense to me because neither of them even went to the funeral. Oh man, I remember Steve was so mad about that. He wasn't gonna force Johnny's parents to come to their only son's funeral, but I did notice some shattered windows at the Cade's house the next day.

I found Johnny's grave and just sat there for a while. The flowers were dead and brown. I should have brought something to place there. I sat until the sun went down with loneliness clanging throughout every inch of my body. It was dark until I realized that I was cold. I also realized that Darry and Soda would be home by now. So I got up, said goodbye to my friends and drove home.

Darry wasn't happy, but he tried his best to avoid a big argument with me, since we just got out of a fight. He told me that I wasn't allowed to drive by myself yet, that it was illegal. I plopped onto the couch and tuned out his rants. Soda could tell that something was wrong though, so he had Darry lay off. I told them that I had just been really bored and lonely, and wanted to see Johnny and Dallas. Darry froze for a second and Soda hugged me. I guess I'm not in too much trouble.

Dear Journal,

The house across the street from us that has been vacant for a really long time finally got moved into today. I didn't see the family, but maybe there will be some new kids in the house. Gosh, I just really need a friend.

**I'm almost to a hundred reviews. Just keep them up friends :)**


	16. Kelly Gets What She Wanted

**Don't judge the rest of my story for this chapter. Judging is unkind.**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

The family that moved in across the street seems pretty nice. There are two little twin boys. I think they're about four. They've got super blonde hair, like Dally's. Then there is a girl that is in my grade, but since I skipped a year she'll be a year older than me. She's a total ginger with the red frizzy hair and freckles. Then there is an oldest boy that is a senior in high school. They all seem nice. I'm actually kind of excited about this.

Dear Journal,

The new family, or the Cannons came over tonight. Darry invited them so they could get to know people. I was kind of nervous at first, cause' our house is always kind of shabby. But the Cannons are obviously not very high class people. They were wearing worn down clothes, just like us. So I felt better. The oldest boy, Jack, is really funny. He's a total hood too. I kinda think he is a mixture of Dally and Two-Bit. Not quite as hard as Dally, but not quite as loony as Two-Bit. The girl, Becky, is super sarcastic, but quiet at the same time. She's a little strange, but everyone is sorta strange in their own ways I guess. The twin boys are named Sam and Joseph. They are super cute. The parents are nice people, but a little slightly strange, like Becky. Oh well, I really don't care. Maybe the Cannons will ease my loneliness.

Dear Journal,

Tonight me, Soda, Steve, Two-Bit, Jack and Becky went out. It was actually a lot of fun. It seems like I haven't done anything fun without a bunch of stress in the background for a long long time. We all just went to a movie, and then got something to eat afterwords. Jack didn't clash with the boys at all. He was just super fun and nice. I was a little worried that Becky would be surly, or irritated that she was the only girl. But she didn't really seem to care. It kinda seems like she doesn't care much about anything. She's just one of those people that just goes with whatever I guess. It was really fun.

Dear Journal,

Dear God. What a day. Ugh, I don't even have words to explain what is going on in my head right now, because I don't even know what is going on. Everything was just nice and peaceful. Me, Jack, Becky, and Two-Bit were at the park this afternoon. The weather was kinda rainy, but we didn't care. We were just bumming around when we heard these high pitched giggles behind. I turned and there were three girls walking a little ways behind us. They were the kind of greaser girls that I call 'white trash' in my mind, but never aloud because Darry said to never call a girl names. And the girl in the very middle was none other than Kelly. She was wearing a short skirt and a really low-cut shirt with no jacket. Stupid slut, it was freezing out! (Sorry, slut is a mean word) And she also had all this black gunk on her eyes. I do not know what happened to that girl. She seemed so sweet, but I guess I'm just an idiot and didn't see past her pretty face.

Anyways her two nasty girlfriends whispered in her ear and then giggled some more. Two-Bit was cracking up, and the Cannon kids looked confused. I kinda stood there awkwardly. I didn't really know what to do, cause I didn't want to talk to her. Then she nodded to one of her friends and marched right over to me. I took a few steps back, but not enough. Before I knew it, she was kissing me. Like full on making out with the tongue and all. I pushed myself away before I could get too into it. I really don't need to be falling for a girl like her, or any girl really. Two-Bit, and Jack were whooping and Becky was laughing and staring at us with wide eyes. I think I just looked a little horrified. Then she turned and flounced back to her girlfriends who were giggling harder than ever. She screamed, "So there!" at me then all three of them ran back to their car. Stupid Kelly. I mean, I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy the kiss, because I did. I just wish my first kiss could have been more special. And my friends laughing about it didn't really help matters. I think my face is still bright red. Man, Darry and Soda are gonna have a field day once they get home.


	17. Annoyance and Someone Uplifting

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I swear, Two-Bit has the biggest mouth in the whole world. First, he told Jack and Becky all about my Kelly experience; the one about Kelly making out with Soda and all. Then, when Darry, Soda and Steve got home, he blabbed to them too! It took him literally about ten seconds after they walked in the door. Soda whooped too, like Two-Bit and Jack did. Darry looked kind of sickish. And Becky started laughing all over again. I was so irritated and confused by everything that I snapped at her, asking what was so funny. She told me that it was funny how different I was from all other boys. That I actually didn't want to make out with a girl.

"Poor Kelly," she told me. "She was so desperate to kiss you, and you just wouldn't have it."

"So she forced it on me?" I asked her, wanting everything cleared up. Becky nodded.

"She was embarrassed, most likely. Embarrassed that you rejected her so bad in the past. She probably did it to look all cool in front of her girlfriends, or help her reputation. In her eyes, she has now won your guys' relationship."

I stared at Becky, amazed at how sketchy girls are. She laughed at my reaction. "Girls are so complicated, Pony. That is just a bit of how they work."

Man, it's good to have a translator like Becky around. Because girls are an entirely different language for me.

Dear Journal,

Today Darry let me and Becky drive out to the river, because Becky has her license. We made a nice and fun day of it. Jack couldn't come with us because he's gotten a job somewhere. The river was freezing, as usual, so we didn't really swim in it. But it was a beautiful day and Becky is a lot of fun, even if she is a little crazy. It has been nice to have things to do with a friend. A friend that isn't five years older than me.

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit bummed around at my house for most of today. He was kind of annoying me. He kept asking me about my day yesterday with Becky and stuff. "Becky's pretty cute, don't you think kid? She's got the ginger hair and all."

I didn't really know what to say. I wasn't going to say that Becky is ugly, because she's not. But I'm no idiot. If I would have told Two-Bit that Becky is cute-looking, he would've flipped out. All day today he was waiting for an excuse to ask if I like Becky. By the time Darry, Soda and Steve were home I just wanted Two-Bit out.

Dear Journal,

The boys are talking about me and Becky. I can't even explain how annoying it is. Every time they see me with her, they whisper and laugh and nudge each other. They are acting like teenage girls. And Becky sees what they're doing, and she just smiles at them! Like it doesn't even embarrass or bother her! Ugh, what goes on in her head? Like I said before, she is kinda strange. I just hope they don't ruin things between me and her, just because she is a girl. Becky is a good friend and things getting awkward between her and I is not what I want.

Dear Journal,

Today while Darry and Soda were at work, I was going through all of our old photos. There were ones of mom and dad, and the three of us with them. There were ones of younger Dallys and younger Johnnys. All of us together as a group. It made me really sad, but I couldn't stop going through them. Finally I just got up from the kitchen table and nearly ran out the door. I was planning on just running to the park or something, but the Cannon's house right across the street caught my eye. Becky's window faces our house and she was in her room sitting on her bed. The radio was right by her feet, so she was probably listening to something. I crossed the street to her house and just tapped right on her window. She looked up and grinned at me kinda funny. Like it was a joke that I came and tapped on her window. I guess it was a little strange of me to do that. Oh well, anyways, she opened it for me and I crawled in through to her room. She didn't ask me any questions of why I was there. That was a relief. I've been nervous that she would act weird since the boys have been so immature and irritating lately. But she acted like boys crawled in through her window every day. I just sat on her bed with her and listened to the radio. 'Twist and Shout' by The Beatles was playing.

"I love The Beatles," she told me. "I listen to them all of the time."

Her singing voice was funny-sounding. Like one of those voices that you can tell is not very good, so the person doesn't really sing all out. That's how Becky sings. But I could tell that she really liked the song. I liked it too. It was fun and upbeat. We sat there and sung along to all the songs that came on. Whenever one by The Beatles would come on she would perk up a little and I would laugh. I stayed there until I saw Steve and Soda pulling up the driveway. Then I climbed back out of the window and headed home before they could know. And I felt better. Of course, my parents, Johnny and Dallas are still dead, but that doesn't mean I can't have someone making me happy.

Dear Journal,

I would just like to record that as of today, myself, Soda, Steve, Jack, Becky, Two-Bit and Darry have all confirmed that my hair is officially completely brown. No more blonde tips, or roots. I looked in the mirror, and it looked totally normal. This is a good day.

**Your reviews always keep me going :) Give me mature, constructive criticism, or anything that you think or any ideas you have. Compliments are always nice too :)**


	18. More Music and a Letter

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

School starts again tomorrow. I'm actually kind of excited. Not for waking up early and homework, but for the learning. Wow, I know that sounds super lame, but this is my journal. I can say whatever I want in here. And I now hide this under some loose floorboards underneath my bed, so Steve and Two-Bit wont have a chance in finding it.

Someone who sure isn't as excited for school as I am is Becky. She tapped on my window and crawled in at around seven tonight. Good thing Soda wasn't in the room, or some awkward questions would be going on. She seemed pretty upset about having to go to school tomorrow. I think she may have even been a little nervous, but I couldn't really tell. It's hard to know for sure with her. I don't really think Becky ever does get nervous. I also don't think Becky is too much of the school type. The way she was talking made it sound like she could care less about going to class. Me and her talked for a little bit, and I tried my best to make her feel better about tomorrow. Then she crawled back out of the window.

It's nearly eleven. I should probably go to bed.

Dear Journal,

The first day went pretty good. Jack, Steve, and Two-Bit (still) are seniors. Jack and Becky drive in their blue truck. I still get driven by Two-Bit. I'll probably get rides with him to school until he graduates, which will be forever.

I've got English and Child Development with Becky. I really, really don't want to take Child Development, but with everything that went on last year, I signed up too late for electives, so I got last pick. And since Becky is new, she gets last too. I've got Two-Bit in Chemistry. I asked him how many times he's taken that class and he said negative thirty one. I can always rely on him for a straight answer.

Dear Journal,

I'm a couple of weeks into school. The routine is getting easier and easier, which is always good. The one class I really hate is Child Development. It's so stupidly pointless. I could be doing such better things with my time, rather than that class. And I don't know anyone in there besides Becky. Everyone else is either a really snotty Soc, or a really sketchy hood who didn't go to school very much last year, like me.

Dear Journal,

Today while I was doing my homework in Becky's room, I wondered why I go over to her house so often. And vice versa, because she invades my room a lot too. I guess I just don't like the constant silence at my house. Becky takes her radio everywhere she goes, and even if some of the music she listens to is pretty funky, it's _something_ to listen to. Plus, having her around is always nice. There is just never ever anyone home at my house. Well, I take that back because Two-Bit actually does come over a bit, but he does other stuff too. Steve goes to work right after school, and him and Soda don't get home until six. And Darry doesn't get home from work until a little after Soda. I hardly see them in the mornings, because they now leave before me ever since they asked for extra hours. I miss my brothers. They work too much, I think. And it's my fault.

Dear Journal,

Man, I think I get embarrassed too easily. I can't really help it. Anyways, today I was doing schoolwork in Becky's room and she was just sitting on her bed listening to her radio, doing nothing. The usual. Then this song came on. I think it was Elvis or something. I don't know, I don't really listen to music a ton. I'm more into books. Well, Becky sure knew it because when it came on she squealed a little bit. "Ooh, I _love_ this song," she sighed, putting her chin in her palm and staring dreamily at the radio. I set my notebook aside and scooted closer to her bed from my spot on the floor. I'd never heard the song before, and I don't know the name of it. But the chorus went like this:

"_Shall I stay. Would it be a sin? If I can't help falling in love with you. Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be. Take my hand. Take my whole life too. For I can't help, falling in love with you."_

I thought it was pretty. But then Jack knocked on the door, waited for about three seconds, and then burst right in. We both looked at him, and he stared and us. His face was surprised, and I realized that no one really knows that me and Becky sneak into each others rooms daily. But it isn't like we do anything. Jack just stood there for a minute and I could feel my face going bright red.

"Good song," said Jack, gesturing at the radio. "Really sets the mood."

Becky threw a pillow at him, laughing a little. "Out Jack." she said. Jack winked at me and then shut the door. Becky turned up the music.

Dear Journal,

I knew the good life wouldn't last too long. I just knew it. Today when I got home from school, there was a letter on my porch. I recognized the writing from somewhere. I picked it up and a little note fell out. It said only two words. They were:

_**WE'RE BACK.**_

It's the bridge Socs.

**Review please :)**

**Disclaimer to the wonderful S.E. Hinton and Elvis Presley for the song :)**


	19. Losing Oxygen for a Moment

**I love my reviews! You guys are the best! Keep it up please :)**

**Happy Reading.**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Darry has me going straight to the Cannon's house after school now. I'm over there every day anyways... but he doesn't exactly know that. He's really worried. Everyone is. He talked to Jack, Becky, and Mr. and Mrs. Cannon about the bridge Socs, and how they were going to get arrested for kidnapping me, but went on the run. Mr. and Mrs. Cannon have been super nice to me. Mrs. Cannon feels really bad for me and my brothers anyways, because mom and dad are dead. She invites us to dinner all the time. But now she's acting even nicer. I like her, she reminds me a lot of my mom.

Two-Bit, Jack, and Steve look after me a lot at school. And Becky stays with me all throughout lunch now, when she usually goes and sees some girlfriends of hers halfway through the period. This doesn't exactly reassure me. If the Socs did come to get me at lunchtime, I wouldn't want Becky in the middle of things too. That's kind of how I feel about everyone. What if the Socs break into the Cannon's house and hurt one of the little twins, or someone else? God, it would be all my fault.

Dear Journal,

Still no sign of the Socs. I think I just want them to come and find me, to get it over with. I hate walking on eggshells and not knowing what is coming.

Dear Journal,

I miss Darry and Soda so much. I never ever see them. Only at night when they get home. And then, when we do see each other, all they say to me is how careful I need to be. To make sure that I don't walk anywhere alone, never stay in the house alone, blah blah. Everything they say is stressful and nervous. I think I'll take Becky and go visit Sodapop tomorrow at the DX. He is always happy when he is there.

Dear Journal,

Gosh, crazy day today. But it ended all right. Me, Becky and Jack (he insisted) walked over to the DX after school. Everything went fine on the way there. We walked in and Soda looked surprised to see me. "You didn't walk alone, did you?" was the first thing he asked. I rolled my eyes at him and gestured to Jack and Becky. Soda looked kind of wary of that. I guess the Cannon kids aren't enough protection for me. Two-Bit was there also. It looked like he had been talking to Soda before we got there. Steve came in an we all hung out for a little bit. Then Soda's manager came in and got mad at him for 'wasting time' and told him to go and fill someone's gas tank. I decided to go out with him, since I made my trip to the station to see him. The car we had to help was super nice. The car, right there, should have gotten my attention first off. It was a shiny black mustang. I'd been in the trunk of that car at least twice. But I didn't realize anything, and I didn't use my head. I was too busy being happy that Soda wasn't scolding me, and that I got to spend some time with him. Soda tipped his hat at them and began to reach for the gas pump. But then his face changed, and he whipped around to me. He realized everything before I did. I just stood there, a little confused at the lack of a smile on his face. Then loud laughter came from the car, and my stomach jolted. But I didn't turn around fast enough. Like lightning, one of the Bridge Socs in the black mustang grabbed me from behind and something cold slashed across my neck. It didn't really hurt that bad, but it did something else to me. I don't really get why, but right then I just collapsed. It was like all the air went out of my lungs for a second. I remember hearing Soda scream, and I was afraid because I thought the Socs were doing something to him. But I couldn't draw a breath for some reason. Everything was dark for a bit, but I could hear a couple of things. Metal screeching, Two-Bit yelling, Becky crying, and sirens. My eyes flew open and I was in the back of an ambulance. People shouted at the sight of me waking me up, but I just looked around for a familiar face. Sodapop, luckily, was in the corner crying his heart out.

"Look, kid, he's awake. We told he he'd be okay." said a paramedic.

Soda rushed over to me the best he could with all the wires and stuff. I sat up real fast and spots went off in my eyes. Soda pushed me back nervously, but I moved his hand away. I just wanted to figure everything out.

No one told me anything until I actually laid back down and got to the hospital. Darry, Two-Bit, Steve, Becky and Jack were waiting for me and Soda there. They rolled me into a room, and let everyone in. Darry looked ten years older. Two-Bit looked a anxious. Steve glanced at my neck with professional interest, then at Soda who was still crying. Jack was white and his hands shook when he crossed them over his chest. Becky was startlingly pale, like her brother. Her eyes were rimmed with red. I demanded Soda to tell me what happened. But Steve told me instead, because I guess Soda didn't seem exactly capable. He said that the Socs had grabbed me from behind and slashed my throat with a blade. I had dropped to the ground instantly because the blade had cut off my oxygen source when it struck. But since there was blood pouring down my neck, it had looked like I was dead. Everyone came out of the DX when they heard Soda scream. The boys started beating the shit out of the four Socs. Soda tried to move me, but Becky told him that she had it taken care of, and to go and help the other boys fight. Becky dragged me the best she could away from the fight and then ran inside to call the cops. By the time the fuzz got there, all four Socs were out cold. They were loaded into some cars and taken away.

So the Bridge Socs are gone, officially. Glory, am I relieved. I was actually kind of upbeat when I got discharged, and we were leaving to head home. But no one else was. Darry had his arm over me and Steve had his arm over Soda. Two-Bit and Jack were whispering to each other. Becky's eyes were glued to the ground.

I just got home an hour ago, and my hand is cramping like crazy from all of this writing. Soda will be in here soon enough, so no excursions to Becky's tonight. Glory, I wonder if she really was crying. Her eyes sure were red. But it's hard to picture Becky crying. I just... can't see it. Dang, I'm just beyond relieved that the cops got to those Socs. Now everything can just be happy.


	20. Some Racing

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

The Bridge Socs' trial was today. I really didn't want to go, because it all reminded me a lot of after Windrixville. But I had to speak at it. It wasn't too bad. I got asked a few questions, the boys got asked a few questions, and Becky did too because she made the 911 call. Then we left. I didn't look at the Socs once, but I'm sure they were shooting me some daggers.

Dear Journal,

Me and Becky have a bet. I kinda sorta let it slip to her that I don't really like the Beatles, and that I'm not very into music. "How can you not like music?" she demanded. "And how can you not like the Beatles?"

I shrugged. "It isn't that I don't like music. I'm just – I dunno, not that kind of person."

She glared at me. "Well, I don't like books. They're dumb. How do you like that?"

So that was how we made our bet. Well, it actually isn't really a bet at all. More like a dare. I gave her _The Lord of the Flies_ to read, and she gave me all of her Beatles records, telling me to listen to them all. Gosh, I don't know if I can listen to every single record. And I don't know if she'll be able to read the whole entire book. She might rip it to pieces.

Dear Journal,

Tonight me, Two-Bit, Jack and Becky went to watch some of the drag races. We hung out, cheered on, and had fun. Then Jack signed up to go. But when it was his turn, he grabbed both me and Becky and put us in the car. Two-Bit was laughing a little nervously, telling him that if I cracked my head open, Darry would skin him alive. I really didn't want to race, at all. I tried to get out, but Becky told me to just try something new. I didn't want her to think I'm a loser, so I listened. "Do you need me to drive, Pony?" she teased. "You're obviously afraid. Plus, I'm licensed, and you aren't."

Dang Becky and her peer-pressure skills. I was nervous, but I did it anyways. I looked out at Jack, who winked.

The people that I raced were not merciful. They did their best to slam into me, and throw me off course. And I'm not really the most fabulous driver ever. I'm not bad, I just need some more practice. When we were just yards from the finish line, the other car finally succeeded in slamming into me. I veered nearly right off of the road. But Becky reached over really fast and turned the wheel. We didn't go off the road, but we got slammed around. Everything was so fast and confusing. By the time we both looked up from nearly crashing, the other jerks had crossed the finish line. They were shouting like lunatics. I looked sideways at Becky who looked surprised for half a second. Then, she just started laughing. She laughed and laughed for a long time, and I had to join in. There is just something so exhilarating about being young.

Dear Journal,

Me and Two-Bit tried to make dinner tonight. Note to self: Never make dinner with Two-Bit ever again. The food exploded. Literally, it exploded, right in the oven. We (actually, I. Two-Bit watched Mickey while the real work was going on) made some delicious lasagna. Right when it was all ready to be put in the oven, Two-Bit decided to help. I wanted to run across the street and give Becky back one of her albums that I had listened to all the way through. So I just told him to pop it in the oven for me. I gave Becky her album (I don't even think she's started her book yet) and came back. Everything was fine for a little while. I watched some of Mickey with him (still don't get that show). Then, I heard a popping coming from the kitchen. It was small at first, then there was one giant POP and some sizzling noises. I ran into the kitchen and there was smoke coming from the oven. I tore it open to find our dinner both exploded, and slightly on fire. Two-Bit had put BOTH aluminum foil and the lid on the pan, and stuck it in the oven. Idiot. I guess the pressure and heat built up, so it exploded. Maybe if I go and take some of the Cannons' dinner and bring it over here, Darry will think I cooked it.

Dear Journal,

Today right before I left for English with Becky, Two-Bit slipped me a note. Here it is:

Ponyboy,

Word of advice, kid. Ask Becky out. Girls don't like being friend-zoned.

From,

Two-Bit... a man with experience

Glory Two-Bit. Get out of my personal life. I do not like Becky. She's just my friend, and nothing more. I don't want to have anything ruined.

**Tell me what you think :)**


	21. Flour Sack Fun

**Have you guys ever read _That was Then, This is Now? _It is also by S.E. Hinton, and it's a little bit of a sequel to The Outsiders, because Ponyboy and the Shepherds are in it. A lot of the characters coming up, and some events in the far future are from _That Was Then, This is Now. _Mike, in this next chapter is one of those characters from the story. This will be the last happy chapter for quite a while. So savor it.**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I've been listening to the Beatles for an hour straight. I should probably do my homework. Hm... nah. Homework doesn't sound all that fabulous right now. The Beatles are actually pretty good, I will admit. But the boys sure do hate them. I try to keep the music down the very best I can. It's funny, because I've never really given much thought to music and songs. But I really like it. It's a different kind of wording, something you can't write down in a book, or say aloud. I still love to read though. I wonder if Becky has started _Lord of the Flies_ yet.

Dear Journal,

Child Development is the worst class in the entire world. It's so stupid! Today me and Becky got assigned a flour sack baby. It has a dumb little face drawn onto it. Becky claims it's a girl because it has pink on its cheeks and eyelashes. Well, boys have eyelashes too. Whatever, it can be a girl if she wants it to be a girl. We have to lug it around everywhere we go. To every class, and each house. It's supposed to teach us responsibility or something. And it's twenty percent of our grade. If the flour sack goes back to Mr. Green with any rips, scuffs, or tears our grade automatically goes down. Dear God.

Dear Journal,

Becky wants to name our flour sack Kelly. No, no, no, NO! I don't even _like_ the stupid sack of crap, but we are not naming it Kelly. Becky just likes to torture me. She really does. I tried to talk her out of it by saying we could name it John, after one of the members of the Beatles. "But Kelly is a _girl_ Pony," she whined. "We can't name a girl John!"

I don't care what we name it. It just better not be Kelly.

Dear Journal,

Now everyone is calling the flour sack Kelly. The name has stuck. People are the worst. And Becky named it Kelly on purpose. I know she did. This project is just plain pointless. How would Mr. Green ever even know if we just stuck our flour sack in a box the entire time? That's what I want to do, but everyone likes Kelly – no – the flour sack. Two-Bit asked if he could be godfather. Dear God, I am surrounded by idiots.

Dear Journal,

Today we had a flour sack inspection in Child Development. Mr. Green looked over them, and gave us pointers on how to be better parents in the future. Me and Becky's flour sack is in pretty good condition. He just told us to give it more love. Ugh, this is so stupid. Anyways, everyone else's looked pretty fine too. But this one major hood in the class, named Mark, didn't exactly pass. His flour sack got run over by a car, so all he had was a little bit of the sack. There was no more flour left in it. When Mark showed Mr. Green his dead sack child, I busted up laughing. I just couldn't control myself. I laughed so much that Mr. Green sent me in the hallway. As I was getting up to leave, I locked eyes with Mark. I swear, he gave me a slight wink. He didn't seem too upset about his destroyed flour sack.

Dear Journal,

Tonight me, Mark, Becky and some other kids from school went out. We just went down to the Dingo and the Ribbon, but it was still a lot of fun. Becky was super happy and laughing, and Mark is funny. He is a major... major hood though. He's a couple of years older than me and could be Dallas Winston's brother. Glory, I thought Jack was like Dally, but Mark is just something else. He is hateful as hell. The only person that it really sounds like he cares about is his adopted brother, Bryon. Mark doesn't have parents. Him and Bryon live with Bryon's mother.

I got home really late. Darry and Soda had waited up for me. I could tell that Darry doesn't like me staying out so late, with kids that he doesn't really know all that well. But I'm fifteen. I'll have my license in about one month. Darry can't treat me like a baby anymore. And he knows that, so he didn't make too much of a fuss.

Dear Journal,

Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Me and Steve killed Kelly. Damn it, we didn't mean to. I went to the DX after school to see Soda and Steve. Of course I had to have stupid Kelly with me, because I can't leave her alone. Kelly (why am I calling a flour sack Kelly?) the flour sack was really heavy, so I set her down for a second against one of the gasoline pumps. Glory, why do I never ever use my head? Some of the gas leaked onto Kelly – the flour sack. Steve came outside and said Hi to me. We were just talking for a little bit, and Steve flicked the top of his burning cigarette at the flour sack. We both laughed, saying how stupid my Child Development project was. Then, Kelly just burst into flames. She had all the gasoline on her, so when Steve's burning cigarette end flew onto her, she caught on fire. Me and Steve both just stared for a second, and then tried to put her out. But it was too late. She was already long gone. And tomorrow is the final inspection of our flour sacks. Man, Becky is gonna kill me.

Dear Journal,

Me and Steve went out and bought a new flour sack yesterday, and drew a new face on it. Becky didn't notice, and neither did Mr. Green. He gave me and Becky an A on our project, saying that we would make great parents someday. Becky looked happy and hugged the flour sack. But it wasn't Kelly. I talked to Mark after class in the hallway. I told him the story of how me and Steve burned the flour sack alive. We were laughing and I said, "Yeah, poor Kelly got burned to death."

Just then, the _real_ Kelly decided to walk by us and hear that little sentence. She stopped for a second and shot me a look of daggers.


	22. Just One Drink, Just One Night

**Make sure to read this author's note!**

**Thanks. All-right, I'm just making a warning to you all. As of this chapter, this story is now rated T. If you only read K – K plus stories, stop reading now. **

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Me and Becky are going with Mark to some sketchy party tomorrow night. He says it's at a really popular place, and will be a lot of fun. Mark's also taking a few more of his buddies. I'm a little nervous because I'm pretty sure there will be some crazy stuff going on there. And if Darry ever caught me doing anything bad, he'd skin me. Oh well, what he doesn't know wont hurt him.

Dear Journal,

Tonight's the night. I guess I'm finally going to a full-on party, and not just the Dingo, or the Ribbon. I'm probably going to be too much of a goody-goody to do anything crazy anyways. Glory, I'm such a chicken.

Dear Journal,

I remember, when Johnny and Dallas died how amazed I was that so much of my life had been ruined in just one week. One day, actually, because they both died on the same day. That's how I feel right now. I just feel completely amazed that in one night my entire life could have been completely changed, if not ruined.

I'm still so sick, and so painfully confused. The party was five days ago, and I haven't gotten better all that much. I've totally ruined myself. I don't even know where Becky is. Two-Bit and Steve know something, but they're both being really strange.

Dear Journal,

Okay, my last entry was really vague. I was still deathly sick when I wrote that. I've been doing better now. It's been a little over a week since the party.

What happened was this: The party was at some abandoned old mansion at the edge of town. I told Darry that I was just going to the Ribbon with Mark, Becky and some kids from school. But then, Jack, Steve, and Two-Bit asked if I wanted a ride to the Ribbon, because they were going there too. "I'm not actually going to the Ribbon..." I whispered to them later.

"Where are you going then?" Jack asked.

"Glory kid," said Steve. "You going to that crazy party tonight at the edge of town?"

I nodded. Two-Bit whistled. "We wont tell Darry. But boy, would he kill you if he knew. Just be careful, you hear?"

"And look after my sister." said Jack punching me in the arm.

I felt uneasy as I walked up the steps of the old mansion. I really just did not want to be there. I felt it in my heart that something was going to go wrong. And when I looked at Becky, I could tell that she felt the same way as me. I wanted to just take her, leave Mark and head home. But I had no ride, and there aren't any phones in abandoned houses. So, like an idiot, I went inside.

It was chaos. Inside there were what seemed like a million teenagers and adults. It smelled like smoke, alcohol, and some other smells that just smelled funky. There was loud music playing, and almost no lights. Everyone was screaming and laughing. A lot of people were disappearing into rows of rooms along the hallway. In about two seconds, I was separated from Mark and the other kids from school that I came with. I grabbed onto Becky's hand, so we wouldn't get separated also. I didn't want to be alone in a place like that.

I dragged her over to a counter where some kids were drinking and smoking. A lot of people were doing drugs also. That was when I got super afraid. I don't like drugs. They freak me out. They do things to people that alcohol could never, ever do. A girl behind the counter with an entire beauty shop of makeup on her face asked if we wanted anything to drink. Me and Becky looked at each other and she raised her eyebrows. "I don't really want to get wasted in a place like this." she yelled in my ear. I nodded. So we asked the girl for some drinks of water. She gave us a funny look, but then shrugged and turned to a drawer full of glasses. A rough teenager came behind the counter and said something in her ear. He turned and looked at both me and Becky closely. The girl nodded to him. Then, another teenage boy pulled on me and Becky's arms. We flipped around to face him. "You guys wanna have a trip? On me. I insist."

I shook my head really fast and Becky took a step backwards. "Let's get out of here." she said to me. I agreed immediately. As we were pushing past people the girl behind the counter called out to us, saying she had our drinks ready. So I went back reluctantly, not wanting to hurt the girls' feelings. Becky followed at my heels. We took our little plastic cups of water and drank. The second I swallowed, I knew something was wrong. The water tasted funny, like dirt was mixed in with it. And it burned my mouth and made my stomach really queasy. I gagged a little and Becky ripped the cup from my hand, and threw hers and mine onto the floor. Her face looked how I felt; awful. "We need to get out of here." she said forcefully. We tried to maneuver ourselves away from all the people, but I was just feeling absolutely terrible. My head was pounding, and I felt like throwing up. Sounds and colors and feeling all mixed together, and I just collapsed. My last thought was; _Shit, I told Jack I'd look after Becky._

For the next while, nothing made sense. There was no light, and every sound I heard was strange. I think I heard Mark calling my name, or Becky arguing, but I don't know for sure. I felt like I was going to die. I wanted to.

It was Steve who woke me up. I was laying crumpled in a corner in one of the old, abandoned bedrooms. I was totally filthy. There was dust and grime everywhere. What a stupid place to have a party. Light was pouring in through the window, so I knew it was daytime.

When I opened my eyes and saw Steve, his eyes shut tight and he took a deep shuddering breath. "Dear God, you're awake," he cried. "Oh my God, Two-Bit!" His voice was loud, and I winced.

Steve pulled me to my feet and I couldn't stand. My legs were like jelly. He held me up and shook me by the shoulders. "Becky," I muttered. "Where's Becky?"

"Two-Bit is with her in another room," he said. "What do you remember, Pony? Tell me what you remember."

I shook my head. I honestly didn't remember anything. Only shapes and noises, kind of. "Nothing?" Steve pressed. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. His face flooded with what seemed like relief. Two-Bit's voice came from down the hallway. "What?"

"I found him!" Steve called back.

Two-Bit came in, carrying Becky like a bride up the porch steps to their new dream house. But she didn't look like the usual movie-star happy bride. Her eyes were open, but the rest of her was limp. I threw up on the floor. Steve held me a little ways from him until I was finished. Then I passed out again.

When I woke up for the second time, I was in me and Soda's bedroom. Darry and Soda were both in the room just looking at me. They didn't really say anything, or accuse me at all. And that's how it's been for the past week. I've been so, so sick. I throw up at least twice a day. Darry and Soda are super nice and gentle with me. But I know it wont last forever. Soon they're gonna have to talk to me about everything. And soon, I'm going to have to get some answers from Steve and Two-Bit on what exactly happened to me and Becky. Because I am extremely mixed up.

**It's supposed to be kinda vague and confusing. Pony isn't really himself. Please review.**


	23. Some Explaining

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. It makes me happy. Hopefully some things will be cleared up in this chapter. But I will definitely consider it a compliment if you're still wondering about some things by the end. That's how I want it. Hint: If you want to figure things out, don't just skim through the words. I put lots of little secretive hints in the text. **

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit and Steve have been avoiding the house (or me) for over a week. But they finally stopped by today. And I was feeling well enough to corner them and get some of my questions answered. Darry told me to go and lay back down, but I kinda snapped at him a little.

"I've been laying down for what feels like forever!" I yelled at him. "I want to know what's going on! I want to know what happened to me, where Becky is, and why you aren't mad at me for going to the party!"

"Chill, kid," Steve ordered. "Darry doesn't want you feeling any worse than you already are. He's being a good brother, so be nice. If you'll take a breath and sit on the couch, me and Two-Bit will tell you what happened."

So I sat down. Soda sat next to me. Darry rubbed his hands over his face and went into the kitchen to start some dinner. It was a little into the evening.

"You and Becky got drugs dropped in your drinks, kid." said Steve. Two-Bit looked serious, which was a little unnerving.

"Mark was too drunk to notice what happened for a little while. He left the party with some people pretty early, not knowing what was going on. He got home to his brother Bryon, who asked how his night with you and Becky was. Mark remembered then that he had left the two of you, and headed back to the house to get you. By that time it was one in the morning, your brothers were worried, and only me, Two-Bit, and Jack knew where you were. Mark got there and looked everywhere for you two. Me and Two-Bit told Jack to go and tell Darry where you and Becky had gone, and that we were picking you guys up. We got to the house, and Mark was sitting on the outside steps with his head down. We passed him, saying that we would need his car when we found you and Becky. The party had died down a lot by then, since it was around six in the morning. Me and Two-Bit found Becky in one of the rooms – "

"Was she okay?" I blurted. "Is she okay?" My heart thumped in my chest. Two-Bit had his hand over his mouth, and his eyes were shut.

"Yeah, she's okay," Steve whispered. "We found her, and Two-Bit – helped her out. Then I went, and found you in another room. God, kid, you were so out of it. We took Becky to her place, and took you here."

I stared at him. "Do you know why they did that to me? Do you know if that girl at the bar did it?" I asked.

Steve shook his head. "No – no, I don't know. You – you say you don't remember anything, Pony?" Steve asked anxiously. Sodapop was looking back and forth from him to Two-Bit. He squinted his eyes, almost suspiciously at Steve.

"I remember the girl behind the bar, asking for some water, wanting to leave, and then drinking the water so I wouldn't hurt the girl's feeling. Then I drank it, it tasted funky, and Becky took the cup from me. After that I just remember feeling really sick, and lots of noise and dark."

Two-Bit's hand never came from being clamped over his mouth. Soda hugged me around the middle. I flinched a little, but I don't know why.

So that makes more sense. I got drugged at my stupid party, and Becky got drugged too. I just hope she's feeling better. I really want to go and see her soon.

Dear Journal,

I went and saw Becky today. But I actually knocked on her door, instead of crawling through her window. Mrs. Cannon answered, and when she saw me her eyes filled with tears. She pulled me into a hug. "How are you, darling?" she whispered in my ear. I pulled back and told her that I was fine, and if I could see Becky. She smiled a watery smile and said of course I could. She let me in and lead me to Becky's room. Sam and Joseph were running through the hallway. I knocked on Becky's door, and let myself in when she gave the okay.

She was laying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She looked really terrible. I know I'm not looking so hot right now either, but she looked a million times worse than me. Her skin was still super white; none of her color was back. Her hair was pulled from her face in a frizzy ponytail. Her normally brown eyes were reddish around the edges and in the whites. There were cuts and bruises up her arms and around her face. I sat down on her bed. The creaking noise it created made her wince.

"Hi Becky," I said carefully. She didn't smile.

"Hi Pony." she said.

"Some luck we had huh?" I said. She didn't answer, or look at me really. "But I'm feeling a lot better, so you should be feeling better soon too."

Becky's eyes filled with tears, and I smiled at her a little. Her face filled with surprise.

"You're smiling at me? Glory Ponyboy, how can you stand it?" she asked. I was totally perplexed.

"Stand what? We just got drugged Becky. I mean, it was a dirty trick, but we'll feel better soon. I haven't been in top shape lately, but I've been okay lately."

She stared at me, wide eyed. Her skin became, if possible, even whiter.

"After – after you drank the water – what do you remember?" Becky asked, her voice trembling. I shrugged. How many times was I going to be asked this question?

"Nothing much. Just a sick feeling, and lots of noise, and darkness." Becky's eyes got even bigger. Her pupils moved back and forth. She swallowed and nodded.

"Yeah – yeah, me too." she said quietly. We sat there in silence, and she wiped some tears. She told me that she was really tired and wanted to get some sleep. I agreed and got up to leave, a little disappointed at our unhappy reunion. As I was walking out of her room she said: "And, Pony? Next time you see Two-Bit and Steve, could you tell them to drop by and see me ASAP? I really need to talk to them."

"Sure Becky." I said, and left.


	24. Twice Times to Eavesdrop

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

When Two-Bit and Steve were bumming around the house today, I remembered to tell them that Becky wanted to talk to them. They looked at each other a little worriedly. Soda looked at them with squinted, suspicious eyes again. It's all so confusing. Why does she need to talk to them so badly, and not me? It kind of hurts my feelings.

Dear Journal,

I'm still not feeling so amazing, but I'm gonna have to go back to school tomorrow. Once again, I've missed at least two weeks. I hope this doesn't hurt my grades too much this year, since last year was such a bust. I've stopped throwing up every day, so Darry says it should be OK. He seems so much more on edge about me now. Just as he was letting me grow up and gain more freedom, I had to kill it by drinking that stupid water. I heard him talking to Two-Bit and Steve this afternoon in the kitchen. He sounded pretty serious, and a little angry even.

"If you guys wanna make up for letting my kid-brother go to that god-forsaken party, you'll be sure to look after him extra well at school. He still ain't' in the best shape." he warned them. I heard the boys mutter their agreement.

That didn't make me feel so great. Not at all. Being talked about behind my back always puts me in a funky mood. It's like Darry thinks I can't take care of myself. Glory, I wish I wouldn't have heard it. It's all I've been thinking about all day long.

Dear Journal,

Becky didn't go to school today. I guess her parents just want her to rest a little bit more. Child Development sure was lonesome without her though. I saw Mark in that class. It was the first time I've seen him since the awful night. He came over to me during class and sat in Becky's empty seat for a little while. He told me that he was so sorry about everything that had happened. And he really did look sorry. I could see it in his face. Mark doesn't usually really care about anyone but his younger adopted brother, so I know that he really did feel bad. So I told him that it was fine, and that I forgave him. He's a good guy.

Dear Journal,

Today is Wednesday, and Becky still hasn't come to school. I tried to stop by her house today, but Steve told me not to. I don't know why he has the right to tell where I can and cannot go. But he flat out would not let me go. He claimed it was because he was trying to help Darry out the best he could by looking after me, but I don't think that is it. I think something is wrong with Becky, and Steve and Two-Bit know what it is.

Dear Journal,

My suspicion has been confirmed. Today after school, I went to Becky's window. I just wanted to see her so badly. Just as I was about to tap on the glass, I realized that it was already open, but the curtain was drawn across. I heard voices inside her bedroom. It was Becky, Steve, and Two-Bit. The boys must have gone in through her window, and just didn't shut it. They were talking pretty quietly, so I had to listen real close. This is what I managed to hear. It's kind of in snippets:

"You've gotta tell someone Becky," said Two-Bit.

"No way!" she whispered back fiercely. "This is my business!"

The words were too quiet for me to hear a little after that, and then I heard Steve say, "So you're just gonna keep it to yourself forever?"

"If you two keep your mouths shut, then yes."

"And what about Pony?" Two-Bit said so quietly that he may have not even said that at all. But I do know that after whatever Two-Bit said, the springs on Becky's bed creaked. She must have collapsed down onto it. Her sobs sounded out through the window. "I don't know," she cried. "I just don't know. We can't – tell – we can't – "

After that she started whispering again, so I couldn't hear her. I walked away, back to my house feeling a sinking, confused feeling in my stomach. Maybe I shouldn't eavesdrop of people so much. It never makes me feel so hot afterwords.


	25. Two Sparks in Two Sets of Eyes

**Hello :) I have been loving the reviews, and I love the guesses that you guys make about what could be going on. Very good thoughts and ideas. I guess you'll all just have to keep reading to figure out if you are correct. **

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Becky came to school today for the first time in nearly three and a half weeks. I was really excited to see her when I got into Child Development. But my excitement went away pretty fast when she wouldn't talk to me. I tried several times to ask how she was doing, or start a conversation. But she would either answer with one short word, or not at all. Her usually joking, funny expression was replaced by a moody, depressed one. Glory, I really hope she isn't mad at me or something. The was she was talking to Steve and Two-Bit made it seem like she could be.

Dear Journal,

Me and Becky hardly speak at all anymore. But I know now that it isn't only me, because she doesn't really speak to anybody. Including her family. Last night I heard a tapping on my window. I got really excited because I thought it was Becky. But when I pulled back the curtain, it was Jack. I let him in reluctantly. He climbed through the window, looking a little stony. I wished briefly that Soda could be in there, but he was watching TV with Steve and Darry. Jack walked in my room and sat down on my bed.

"Now tell me the truth." he said slowly, without preamble. "What is the matter with my sister?"

I let out a breath and leaned against the wall. "I don't know," I told him. "I thought maybe you would know."

Jack's expression was still really cold. "No, she doesn't speak to me. She doesn't speak to the twins, and she wont talk to my parents." His voice was gradually growing louder. "She wont speak to anybody. But you seem fine, you little shit. You seem just as dreamy and idealistic as ever. But _my_ sister is the one having problems. Now think! You were there at the party. That's where she lost it. What happened to her?"

He was full on screaming by the last sentence. I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Soda burst into my room first, closely followed by Darry and Steve.

"What are you screaming at him about?" said Soda forcefully. "And why are you here?"

Soda came over to where I was huddling in the corner. I didn't realize that Jack and I were nearly nose to nose. My brother pulled me away from Jack and put me behind him a little. Darry went and stood in front of Soda, staring Jack down, who looked murderous. Steve looked almost sick.

"I don't remember anything," I whispered from behind Darry and Soda. "I really don't Jack, I'm sorry. I'm worried about her too."

Jack just shook his head. "I told you to look after her. You said you would."

His words hit me like a slap to the face. I would rather he had. Darry said something coldly to him, but my ears were buzzing too loudly to hear. Jack turned around curtly and climbed back out of the window. My entire body went numb and cold. Jack was right. I was supposed to look after Becky. The drugs had clearly really hurt her, and had some lasting effects on her. And it was all my fault. Soda placed his hands on both sides of my face worriedly. I pulled away from him and ran towards the bathroom where I threw up.

Dear Journal,

Today I was sitting with Becky at lunch. Lately she has just been avoiding me during lunch. But today I saw her sitting by herself, so I sat down next to her. "Hi Becky." I said quietly. Boy, was I nervous. But she looked up at me, and her face almost looked relieved. She said 'Hi' back and smiled a little bit at me. I felt a jolt in my stomach at her smile. Her eyes shone a little brighter. I felt heartened and almost giddy. Then Mark (stupid, stupid Mark) came over to our table dragging his younger brother, Bryon. Bryon was dragging his girlfriend, Angela Shepherd. The two of them didn't seem too interested in me and Becky. They were more interested in fighting with each other. Mark was trying to talk to me about something weird. I think he mainly came over to check on Becky. I saw Angela push herself away from Bryon and set her eyes on me. I looked at her briefly and gave her a small smile. I do know her older brothers pretty well, after all. Right when our eyes met, hers lit up like a tiger's. It looked almost like she wanted to attack me. Bryon saw this and didn't look too happy about it for some reason. I gave her a strange look. Bryon dragged Angela away, but she looked back at me and winked. I've always thought she was a little strange. By the time Angela was gone, both Mark and Becky were starting at me. Their faces looked a little amused. "Boy," Mark said. "Bryon wont be too happy about that. I always knew the Shepherd chick was trouble."

Becky was grinning at me saucily, but it didn't reach her eyes anymore like it did before Mark had interrupted us. The small spark had died.

**Plot between Angela, Bryon, Mark, and Pony belongs to That Was Then, This Is Now by the wonderful S.E. Hinton. The Outsiders belongs to her too :)**


	26. I'm Pretty Effing Ignorant

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Two-Bit gave me some advice today that I think I may just follow. I was ranting about Becky, and how she just doesn't speak to me anymore. He told me that it would be best to just leave her alone, and she would come around. I guess that's the best option right now. It's no use forcing anything out of her.

Dear Journal,

Soda is making dinner right now. I'm worried because he is trying to color the hamburger meat blue. I wonder if that works.

Two hours later:

It didn't work.

Dear Journal,

It's very strange. I don't think I've ever spoken to Angela Shepherd more than three times. I'm more of friends with her brothers. But now at lunchtime and in-between classes she talks to me a ton. Whenever she spots me, I'm practically ambushed. Gosh, I've never noticed what a beauty she is. I guess that's why Bryon is so upset about their recent breakup. Because she is so good-looking. He can't be upset because he loved her personality, because she is rotten to the core. All she ever does is gossip about everyone and everything. She is dirty and not classy. Her looks are all she really has. And now Mark is making snide little comments about how Bryon doesn't really like me. I don't understand that one bit. I've never spoken once to Bryon.

Dear Journal,

Tonight is a school dance, and Darry is letting me go. I guess you don't run the risk of being drugged at a school function in his eyes. I was going to see if Becky wanted to come, but Two-Bit told me not to ask her. Glory, he knows something. But I just don't feel like prying a lot right now.

Mark is coming to pick me up in a few. He was saying something about getting boozed up. I wish he wouldn't get drunk. I don't exactly like being around drunk people.

Dear Journal,

Stupid Angela. I guess I "rejected" her (since when did she like me?) so she planned a little bit of revenge for me tonight. Me and Mark were sitting out on the hood of his car in the school parking lot. He was drinking a lot, and I was staring up at the stars. Then, some really big guy comes over to us and just starts taking swings at me. He gave me a pretty good bruise on my face, and a bloody lip. Then Mark goes, "Come on man, now play fair." The guy looked at Mark for a split second and then just hit him over the head with a glass bottle. He got knocked out cold. Some other people in the parking lot came rushing over, and some police that were hanging around the dance came too and handcuffed the big guy. I tried shaking Mark, but he was dead to the world. So I ran inside to find Bryon. He was dancing with a girl named Cathy. I told him that Mark was hurt, and he came with me right away. We went outside and saw Angela talking to the big guy who was standing with the police. Bryon was looking at her with stony eyes.

"You know Angela Shepherd?" he asked me. I shrugged.

"A bit. I know her brothers pretty well." I said. Bryon looked surprised, almost amused. "What does she have to do with any of this?" I said.

Bryon was holding back the blood pouring from Mark's head. "I'll tell you later." he said.

And he did. After me and Cathy drove Bryon's car to meet him at the hospital. Once Mark was discharged, Bryon drove to take me and Cathy home. In the car on the way to my house he told me that Angela likes me and was pissed because I wouldn't like her back.

"I didn't even know she liked me!" I burst. "She never told me!"

"Girls usually don't come right out and tell boys things like that, Pony." said Cathy patiently. Bryon laughed.

"Why did you need to be told? Honestly, are you blind?" he said. I felt my face go red. "Now shut up and let me finish. Angela was mad, so she talked that guy into beating you up. But he obviously wasn't too bright since he went and got himself arrested."

That explained a lot. It explained why Bryon had kind of been giving me the cold shoulder. Because Angela had dumped him for me. I didn't say this aloud to him though. He dropped me off at my house. I saw Darry's truck in the driveway and cursed life. Carefully I opened the door, hoping that he would be sleeping since it was so late. But no, all the boys had to be there (not Jack though).

I didn't keep it hidden for very long. Soda saw my face right away. I grimaced as he rushed over to me.

"Soda – don't." I started.

"What. Did. You. Do?" Darry growled, eying my bruise and bloody lip.

"It wasn't me! It was Angela."

Of course that totally confused them all, so I had to tell the story. Including the fact that Angela likes me. Two-Bit was cracking up the entire time.

"Wow, Two-Bit. I love how this amuses you." I said coldly.

"I love it too! I love how you, quiet little _you_ manage to attract all of the slutty and really attractive broads."

"It's just her," I said, going bright red for the second time. "And Kelly I guess." But Steve and Two-Bit started to shake their heads.

"Kid, you don't even _know_ what all the girls say behind your back at school." said Steve with a wicked grin. I stared at him, dumbfounded while Two-Bit and Soda laughed. Darry looked a little sickish, like he did the night Kelly kissed me.

**I don't own _That Was Then, This is Now_. But I do recommend it to you all. It really is a good book. Please review :)**


	27. One of the Last Great Adventures

**Hey guys. So just a heads up: This story is almost over. I have about... three (maybe?) chapters left. I've just started a new Outsiders story (check it out ;) ) and just don't have time for two. I'm kinda sad. I love this story. **

**Happy reading to you! :)**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Okay, Angela irritates me to no end. Why would she plan to have me beat up the other night, but still have the nerve to flirt with me constantly? She seriously grosses me out. I'm trying to not be mean and completely just push her away from me. It's getting more difficult every day.

Still haven't spoken to Becky in forever. Gosh, I miss her so much. She was my best friend, the medicine after Johnny. I just don't know what is the matter with her. She dropped Child Development with me. I didn't even know that you could do that. Sometimes I see her looking at me stonily at lunchtime while Angela is hanging on me. That isn't my fault! I don't want Angela around! If that makes her upset for some reason, she should tell me.

Dear Journal,

Tonight Darry and Soda had to work later than usual. I was really bored, and really lonesome. So I decided to just give in and try Becky's window. I was really nervous, because I haven't tried to creep in her room for a long time. I walked over to the Cannon's house and tapped on her window. The light to her room was on, but she didn't answer. I tapped even harder. No answer. When I pulled on the window a little, it was locked. Crestfallen, I walked back home. I'm really upset. Glory, it hurts. I just really don't know what to do. I want Soda and Darry home. It's already ten-thirty. I'm sick of being alone, and I'm sick of people always leaving me.

Dear Journal,

Gosh, what a crazy day. After school Two-Bit took me home like usual. I guess he thought I looked a little off, so he came in with me. We just sat on the couch for a little while and watched Mickey. After about ten minutes of being home there was a knock on the door. Two-Bit (thank God) got up to answer it. The person there was Angela. I shrunk down the couch so she couldn't see me.

"Is Ponyboy here?" she asked in a shrill voice. I crossed my fingers that Two-Bit wouldn't give me away.

"Yea – no. No, he isn't." Thank you Two-Bit!

"He isn't?" she said is a skeptical tone. "Then why are you here at the house alone? Soda and Darry are at work, right?"

"Uh – " I could practically see the wheels in his head frantically trying to come up with something. "Actually you know what? He is here! Let me go and get him." he shut the front door in her face.

"What the hell Two-Bit?" I whispered. "I don't wanna talk to her!"

He pulled me by the middle off of the couch. "Come on, kid. We're gonna go on an adventure."

He dragged me to my room and opened the window. He crawled out and I followed him. We stayed really quiet and crept around the house to his car that was parked in the driveway. Angela was still standing on the porch, staring at the door. We opened the doors as quietly as possible. Just when I shut mine, she turned around.

"Shit!" Two-Bit screamed. He sounded like he was having the time of his life.

"Go, go!" I said. She was coming towards us, looking beyond pissed. Two-Bit stepped on the gas, and we sped off. He drove us to his house and we went in, laughing. His mom was there and gave us something to eat. Two-Bit's mom is really nice. Then, in about another ten minutes there was once again a knock at the door. He pulled me by the arm to another window and opened it for me.

"Go straight to Becky's house. She wont expect you there. I'll come pick you up once I get rid of her."

I waited until Angela was fully distracted to make my break. It was hard not to laugh at Two-Bit talking to her.

"Oh, hello again Angel!" he said when he answered the door. She hissed.

"Where is Pony?" she growled.

"I don't have a Pony. Well, I did have one, but it died of – uh – ringworm when I was very young. Sore subject for me."

And that was when I got out of there. I wonder if Two-Bit knows that ringworm is a rash. Oh well.

The walk to Becky's wasn't that far. I was there in about twenty minutes. I wondered if anyone would answer the door. Becky did, when I knocked. Her face was a little surprised.

"What are you doing here?" she asked quietly. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"Running from Angela." She smiled, kinda twisted and let me in. We went into her kitchen and sat at the table. I could hear the twins in another room banging around.

"I'm just babysitting," she said. Her voice was dull. I nodded. "Why are you running from Angela?"

"Because she scares me."

She laughed a little. "But she's so beautiful. You'd never want a girl like her?"

"Nah," I said. "I couldn't love her personality. Sometimes it seems unbelievable that she loves me, with how she treats me and all."

Becky leaned back in her chair. "Don't be so naive, Pony. She doesn't love you. She more of lusts after you. Trust me there is a huge difference."

I didn't know if that was an insult or a compliment, so I just nodded, not wanting to disagree. She got up from her chair.

"I have something for you," she said. "Let me go get it before I forget."

She went into her room, and I could hear her digging around. She came back out with a little envelope in her hands.

"Here, I wrote you this letter," she said, handing it to me. "But promise me that you wont read it until tomorrow morning. That is very important, okay?"

"I promise." I said. Just then I heard a honk outside. Two-Bit was here. "That's my ride," I told her. She nodded, and stared at my face, as if memorizing it. Her eyes filled with tears. She walked forward and hugged me goodbye.

"I'll see you later," I told her. She laughed a little, and didn't answer. I turned and walked out the door, stuffing her letter in my back pocket. I didn't want Two-Bit asking about it.

I'll keep true to my promise and not read the letter until tomorrow morning. Glory, I wonder what it could say. Hopefully this will fix things.

**Please review :)**


	28. Things Happen Too Fast

**Wow, I got a ton of reviews for that last chapter. I don't really know why. Oh well, you wont find me complaining! ;)**

**I was planning on updating this chapter tomorrow morning or afternoon, but I just wrote the whole thing tonight and didn't want to wait any longer. This is the chapter that has been in my head for so long, and I don't want to keep it overnight. **

**Just one entry for this chapter. But it's a long one. I'm very, very interested to see the feedback I'm going to get for this.**

Dear Journal,

My hand is shaking right now. My writing probably isn't very legible. Everything about me is numb. There is something like a pit in my stomach. That pit has been there ever since I opened Becky's letter two days ago. I guess that's the only was I can write down what happened properly; if I put my letter in here. I'll tape it in. Here it is:

_Dear Ponyboy,_

_First off, I feel like I need to tell you that I'm so sorry. For everything. I've been a complete jerk to you for the past few months, and you don't deserve that. I suppose I just haven't been a good friend. And for that, I hope you forgive me. _

_This letter is my way of explaining myself. I'm not writing one to anyone else but you. Because this kind of has everything to do with you, Pony. And here is why:_

_You may, or may not have noticed that ever since the night you and I were drugged I have been different. I've been different, and I haven't recovered. But you did. You got over it just fine, with no problem. It's because you didn't remember anything. You drank the entire cup of water, and I only took a sip. So I wasn't really as affected. I was conscious, but I just couldn't move. Oh Pony, I don't want to tell you this. But I feel like it is your business to know. Pony, that night was all planned. We were targeted from the moment we walked in the door. After you collapsed, and I fell over from the drugs rushing through me, we were taken immediately. We were taken to the same room, so I know for a fact that it happened to both of us. Because I saw it. You and I were both raped. Over, and over. _

_I'd rather not go into detail. But throughout the night, we were separated somehow. Eventually the people discovered that I was awake, sort of, so I was given more drugs. So I don't exactly know where you went. But Two-Bit and Steve found me in one of the bedrooms. And, they knew what had happened to me right when I was found. And they knew wherever you were, your story was the same. Me, Two-Bit, and Steve have been the only three people this entire time that have known the truth of what happened that night. That's why they were so relieved when you said you couldn't remember anything. The three of us agreed not to tell you. And I made them swear to never, ever speak of it to anyone. This whole time, they have fought me on it. After everything, be sure to tell them that none of this is their fault; they were just being good friends._

_I'm not the same anymore. I can't explain what that is like, to see that happening to you. It's even worse to see it happening to your best friend. A boy that you've loved. I can't see you the same anymore Pony. I'm sorry, but I just can't. And I can't see myself the same either. I don't feel right anymore, and I feel like my time is over. Like, I'm not meant to keep moving forward any longer. Because things like that are just too much. I'm hoping, that since you don't remember anything, you knowing the truth wont affect you like it has affected me. That's the only thing I'm praying for tonight. I'm not praying to God for my own soul, because I believe that God judges everyone fairly. He loves me, and understands that my mind is no longer capable of interacting with other human beings in this lifetime. I'm not afraid of dying tonight, Pony. By the morning, Becky Cannon will no longer exist on this earth. But you will, and you'll become something great. Oh, please be something great Pony. This is why I prayed for you. You'll become such a star Pony. _

_Listen to more music. Keep reading books. You can keep all of my Beatles albums. I hope you liked them. I sure did like that book you gave to me. It's in my pillowcase, if you ever want it back. I finished it the night of that party, right before you and Mark picked me up to leave. I had just finished scribbling a little note inside of it, telling you how much I loved it. I don't know why, but I always think it's so funny to look at that writing now. When I wrote that, I was such a different person. _

_I hope you wont hate me for this. For a little while, I wanted to hate you for not having to remember anything. I wanted to hate you for still being so beautifully innocent. I wanted to hate Angela Shepherd for falling in love with you. But I know she couldn't help it, just like me and all of the other poor girls at our school can't help it. Some things are just meant to be, and they couldn't help falling in love with you. You are just impossible to hate, dear. _

_Live well, shine bright, and God be with you until we meet again._

_Your Loving Friend,_

_Becky_

I finished reading that at exactly 8:42 in the morning. I remember, because I looked at the clock, wishing it was 8:42 twelve hours ago. Then, Becky would still be alive. The paper had smudges, and tear stains all over it.

I knew in my heart that it was too late, but I flew out of bed anyways. Soda woke up, and I think he tried to question me. Darry and Two-Bit were at the kitchen table eating some breakfast. Steve probably slept over, because he was just sitting on the couch. It looked rainy and cold outside, so I just slipped on the shoes that were right by the front door. They were probably Soda's. I heard people asking me what I was doing, but I just didn't answer. I sprinted across the street, to the Cannon's house, and pounded on the door. Jack answered, and when he saw me his face hardened. I pushed past him and ran straight into Becky's room. She wasn't in there. The room had a strange feeling in it though. I went over to the window and checked it. But it was still locked, so she couldn't have escaped that way. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the closet door slightly ajar. With a sinking feeling, I crossed over the room towards it. With shaking hands, I pulled it open. It made a creaking sound.

And there she was. On the wood pole crossing her closet she had hung herself. Her red hair seemed limper than usual. Her face was a bluish-gray. Everything else was stark-white.

I reeled backwards, right into Darry who pulled me out of that closet with the dead girl so fast that I lost my footing completely. He hitched me up onto his hip and turned me away, so I wouldn't have to see anymore. Jack and Steve were next in the closet. Jack gave a groan and sank to the floor. Instantly, Steve pulled out his blade and cut Becky free. He carried her out of the closet and set her on the floor. In a moment, Steve was kissing her. I was so surprised at the sight of Steve kissing Becky that I didn't pay much attention to Mrs. Cannon crying hysterically, and trying to keep the twins from the horrific sight. Darry kept trying to pull me away from the room, or cover my eyes. But I just kept pushing him back. Soda was on the floor next to Steve. Two-Bit was huddled against the wall, his eyes huge. Mr. Cannon was talking to someone on the phone frantically. Steve used both hands and counted under his breath while pushing down on Becky's chest. I've heard of that done a few times before, but only by paramedics in ambulances. I wonder where Steve learned it.

Eventually, Steve saw that it was no use. He kept checking her pulse over and over, but she had probably been dead for hours. I willed myself not to collapse like I did when Johnny and Dally died. I willed myself to be strong, and to grow up. But I just couldn't do it. I didn't collapse, but I became a little out of my mind. Suddenly I wanted to be out of that room with the dead Becky. She was gone. Like it said in her note, by the time it was morning, Becky Cannon would no longer exist on this earth. I didn't know what to do, or where to go, so I just held on to Darry. He obviously saw this as an opportunity to get me the hell out of there. He scooped me up just as the sirens were able to be heard in the distance. I just cried and cried into his shoulder as he took me back to our house. We went inside and he sat with me in his big chair. I just kept crying and crying and didn't even acknowledge my other brother and the boys when they came in, maybe a million hours later. Darry held me, like a baby in that chair while I cried and screamed about how it wasn't fair, how nothing was fair. "I know, little brother," he said in my ear. "I know."

I vaguely saw Steve, Soda, and Two-Bit reading Becky's letter. But I didn't have the energy to tell them to put it down, and that it was mine. It was better for them to read it than for me to verbally have to tell the story.

Things can happen so fast. It took all of ten seconds for my parents to be killed. It took one moment, one beam falling at the wrong time to kill Johnny. It took only one unloaded heater and irrational cops to kill Dallas in a matter of seconds. And it took one stupid night, some stupid disgusting guys, and a moment of despair to kill Becky. I'm so painfully sad that I don't even know what to do about it. I can't find it in me to blame Two-Bit, Steve, Becky, or even myself for what happened. I'm sure I will in the future, but not right now. Right now, I just really can't believe it.

It's too late. I didn't fix things, and I didn't figure it out in time. And I loved Becky for nearly a year, but never told her.


	29. The Nerve of Sick People

**Okay, so I'm thinking about two, maybe three more chapters after this one. Maybe more than that. I don't know why, but I just don't want to stop writing this story.**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I kind of just feel... wrong. Like a wrong person. I feel like an idiot too, for not suspecting what was going on with Becky. Her dying is all my fault, and I can't deny it.

I feel wrong because, well, who wouldn't? I didn't even know that boys _could_ be raped! Honestly, I didn't. I've just never really thought of that. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl either. Well, can boys rape boys? Ugh, I don't know, I don't know. It makes me sick just thinking about it. It makes me sick to think that I'm not a virgin. I'm fifteen effing years old, and already lost my virginity. I'm such an idiot.

Darry and Soda are being really nice to me, and quite honestly, I'm glad. I need them now more than ever. For a little while I thought I could finally let Soda go back to his own bed. But right after Becky died, I just can't let him go. I kinda wish Darry could sleep with us too, because I've been getting such bad night terrors. But I couldn't ever ask Darry that. I've been acting like enough of a baby.

Dear Journal,

Becky's been dead for two weeks now. Summer has started. I don't even know how I got through the last two weeks of school. I probably flunked all of my finals. Whatever.

I'm scared for summer. It's probably going to be just like the last one. No friends, and constantly alone all day long. I don't want Darry and Soda to be gone all day. Steve and Two-Bit will probably come by to see me, but I sure don't want to see them. I just cant. First of all, they knew. They knew why Becky was depressed, and they knew what happened to me. And they never even tried to tell me! I probably could have fixed things if I would have known. And isn't it kind of my business, since I was the one who was raped? I was the one who was there, I should have known.

Dear Journal,

It's driving me insane, having all this time to think. I think about everything I should have done, everything that could have fixed her. The funeral is tonight, and I just don't want to go. I can't go. I can't look at the Cannons, knowing that I murdered their daughter. I really can't look at Jack, when I promised that I would look after his sister, but didn't. Becky's whole family, my brothers, and the boys all know that I was raped too. I can't look in their eyes, because I know they are completely disgusted. I know it. Maybe if I just lock my door, Darry wont be able to force me out.

Dear Journal,

I ended up going to the funeral. Soda and Steve went straight there from the DX, and Darry and I were supposed to meet them. Two-Bit drove himself. But when Darry knocked on my door, I told him to go without me. He tried to open it, but it was locked. He didn't argue and scream at me to open the door. He just went and got the spare key to my room. Damn him, I forgot about that stupid key. He opened the door and sat with me on my bed.

"Why don't you wanna go to Becky's funeral, Pony?" he asked kindly. My eyes filled with tears.

"Cause it's my fault. You don't go to the funeral of someone you killed. It's just wrong."

Darry shook my shoulder. "You didn't kill her. Get that through your head. It wasn't your fault. It was no one's fault but the people at the party, and Becky herself. She wanted to go."

I buried my face in my hands. Painful agony rushed through me.

"It will be a little insulting if you don't go, Pony." said Darry quietly. I sighed and got up, rubbing my eyes. He stayed quiet the whole way there, which was what I wanted. We were a little late, but not too much. The casket was closed, so I was glad. I don't think I could take seeing her. Jack started talking about Becky being his best friend ever since she was born. He said that he never really had any great friends, but Becky was always there for him. Then he started to cry, and cry and he couldn't finish speaking. A few more people spoke, but I didn't really listen after Jack. Then it was over and they lowered the casket in the ground. I didn't cry. I was just too filled with heartache to cry I think. After she was six feet under, everyone kind of dispersed and started to talk. Mrs. Cannon made a point to come and give me a hug. Her eyes were painfully red around the edges, but she still managed to smile at me a little. I avoided Jack. I tried to avoid everyone basically. I went to the edge of the group and saw two guys talking to each other. They looked really sketchy and in their late twenties. I wondered why they were there. I was close enough to hear them whispering to each other.

"Gosh, don't you just feel _awful_, Kevin?" said the tallest one in a sarcastic tone. The other guy laughed.

"Yeah, I feel bad. Poor little ginger killed herself."

"You think the kid will, ah, follow her along?"

"Shut up, man. He's right there."

"He's out of it Jerry. Seriously, look at him."

A sick feeling swooped in my stomach, and I had a full-on flashback. Scattered memories flew across my mind, making me sick to my stomach. I remembered one of those guys, Kevin, talking to the girl at the bar who gave me and Becky our drinks. I remembered Jerry picking me up off of the floor and shouting orders to Kevin. I remember their voices, and faces and frightening pieces of the night. Not everything, just glimpses. I remembered Becky screaming. I remember Jerry laughing and opening the door to a room, letting more people in. I remembered Kevin mostly; but I don't want to put into detail what I remember about him. It's gross – and is making me kind of sick thinking about it right now. I almost fainted, but felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I jumped nearly a foot in the air, thinking it was Kevin or Jerry. But when I looked up it was Darry, with Two-Bit right on his other side.

"Darry," I whispered desperately. He bent down to listen. Two-Bit did the same. "Those – those two guys – " I couldn't continue. I was starting to lose it. Darry bent all the way down so our faces would be completely level. He spun me to face him.

"Do you know them?" he asked urgently. I looked back at them. They made eye contact with me, and I almost went off the edge. It was them, I was certain.

"They're the ones. Or some of them anyways. They let other people in too. I remember, a little."

Two-Bit's face went white. Darry looked from me to the guys. His face changed to surprised to confused to understanding and then to livid with fury. He let go of me and went around quickly, talking to Soda, then to Steve, and then to Jack. Two-Bit stayed with me, looking at the guys stonily. Jerry and Kevin started to look a little uneasy. They turned to leave the grave-site.

"Oh no you don't," muttered Two-Bit. He ran over towards them, calling, "Darry, they're leaving!"

Instantly, Darry ran over to the two of them, and Steve, Soda, and Jack followed. I stood, amazed at what was happening. The five boys beat the shit out of Jerry and Kevin.

"He's my goddamn brother, you know that?" Darry screamed at Kevin, who was huddled on the ground. "He's my kid-brother. Who do you think you are, coming here?"

"Why _did_ you come?" Jack growled, giving Jerry another punch. "To gloat? To gloat for raping two little kids? To gloat for causing my sister to kill herself? Well, the two of you are sick. And once I've killed you, you'll both rot in hell." he flicked out his blade. I, and the rest of the onlookers gasped. Mrs. Cannon rushed forward.

"Jack, honey," she said grabbing him by the arm. "Don't kill them. Darling, please."

Jack shot her a look. "Why not? Don't you get it? It's all their fault. Everything. You want them to go free?"

Mrs. Cannon shook her head. "No, of course not," she said. "I think killing them wouldn't be fair. It's too easy of a way out for them."

Jack's eyes flashed. So, the police were called and Jerry and Kevin were taken away. From the car, Kevin locked eyes with me. He smiled a crooked, twisted smile at me.

And that, was when I finally lost it. I went totally crazy, and my brothers had to force me in the car. I honestly don't remember what happened completely. I think I just snapped. The funeral was last night, and I'm just laying in bed right now. Darry tells me that I need to rest.

**Yeah – I've got more chapters to do. A lot more...**


	30. Bitterness is Changed By the Gold

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

Darry's been having me stay in bed, and I don't care. I really just don't care. I'll lay in bed for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter. Nothing that I used to love seems very interesting to me anymore. It's like after Johnny and Dallas died. I don't want to eat, ever. I don't want to write stories, and I don't want to read any books. I don't want to go places, and especially not with Mark, who has called the house at least fifty times. I don't ever want to hang out with Mark again. I hate him. Tim Shepherd told Darry that Mark has gotten into dealing drugs. God, what an idiot. Is he going to be the bastard that drops the drugs in kid's drinks for money now? If I ever find out that he does that, I'll personally find him and kill him. I hope he gets busted by the cops for dealing. It would serve him right.

Dear Journal,

Last night was awful. I was just laying in bed, and got a memory (lately every now and then I'll get a flash of a memory of what happened the night I went to that party.) It was horrible, and scared the crap out of me. I don't want to write it down. It'll be in my mind forever anyways. Anyways, I freaked out, thinking I was in that room, with those people. And I thought Soda was Kevin, or Jerry. Glory, that scared me worse than anything has in my entire life. I got out of bed, and had half of a mind to find Darry so he could help me. But then I remembered that it was Soda with me, and not one of those guys. Soda woke up because I think I cried out. I just told him that I wanted him to move back into his old room. Soda looked more hurt than ever before, and I felt like the ultimate jerk.

"How come?" he asked, wide eyed. I shifted.

"Because – because I need you to. I can't have you sleeping in here anymore. I'm not a baby." I spat.

We argued for a little while, and I screamed. Darry came in to see what the issue was, and I told him that I wanted Soda out of my room. My brothers looked at each other, and Darry nodded his head slightly. So Soda left, with tears in his eyes. I shut the door and turned out my light. But I didn't sleep for one second all night.

Dear Journal,

I can't sleep at night without Soda. But I'm afraid of asking him to come back for two reasons. One, because I think I really hurt his feelings, and he'd probably get mad at me. And Two, because that really, truly did scare me bad. Having a flash of Soda looking like Kevin. Glory, I don't think I could handle that again. I don't want to have to. So I'll just have to sleep in my own room I guess. But getting no sleep at all is making me even more irritable than usual. Before long, Darry and Soda are gonna get sick of me and throw me out or something. I wish they would. They're too good to have to deal with someone like me.

Dear Journal,

I had an idea today. If I was the reason, kinda, sorta that Bob died and he came back to me in illusions, could Becky come back to me too? Because I basically killed her. I was thinking that if I stopped taking my prescription for being imbalanced, maybe I could talk to her again, like I did to Bob. It's worth a shot I guess.

Dear Journal,

Not taking the pills doesn't just show dead people. I didn't take them for three days straight, and all I saw was Bob, and then stupid Kevin standing in the corner of my room. I'm too scared not to take them anymore. If Becky doesn't want to come and see me, then I guess that's her problem.

Dear Journal,

Yesterday I was just laying on the couch, and moping like usual. The boys were eating some dinner in the kitchen, but I refused to eat anything. The TV was on, but I wasn't really watching it. Then, out of the blue, Two-Bit comes in and forces me into a standing position. I groaned.

"Two-Bit, leave me alone." I said. He started dragging me over to the front door. He handed me a pair of sneakers.

"Put these on, and come get in the car. You and I are going somewhere."

"I don't want to go anywhere with you." I said testily.

"Sure you do. You love me."

"I don't want to go anywhere, period."

"Well you can't just sit around for the rest of your life."

"Sure I can."

Two-Bit rolled his eyes, but didn't grin. He looked serious. "Just put on your shoes, Pony."

I flipped around to face the kitchen. Darry, Soda, and Steve were standing, looking at us. I locked eyes with Darry saying with them, _Please get me out of this._ Darry shook his head.

"Go with him, Pony. It's only six, you two have time. Just look after him, you hear Two-Bit?" he said. Two-Bit nodded quickly.

"I hear you. We'll be back by ten."

I moaned. "Ten? I'm tired, Two-Bit."

"No you're not. Stop being whiny, and lets go."

So I drove with Two-Bit and hardly spoke to him. I was feeling surly and annoyed. We drove for a while and I vented to him.

"What's the point of this? Why are you trying to help me? You're just gonna leave me anyways. That's how it always is. Everyone leaves. Mom and Dad left, Johnny left, Dally, Becky. Darry wants me out of the house cause' I'm annoying. Soda's gonna move out someday and leave me. Steve will leave me because he thinks I'm a kid. And you're gonna leave me too, I bet."

"Darry and Soda ain't gonna leave you kid. They love you to death. Steve likes you in his own way, I thought you'd seen that by now. And I – " he pulled his eyes away from the road and looked right at me. "Am never gonna leave you. Were buddies, Pony. You're stuck with me for life."

After about ten more minutes, we stopped at a lake. I remembered it as the lake that me and Becky had spent a day at once. My eyes filled with tears as I saw the sun setting beautifully over the water. It created all kinds of colors.

"Why would you take me here?" I whispered. I felt every inch of my heart hurt.

"To help you remember," said Two-Bit. He pulled his radio out from the back seat and put a tape into it. He pushed the play button, playing the song. I felt a jolt as I recognized the tune as the song by Elvis. The one that Becky and I had listened to in her room that day, and Jack had come bursting in. The one that she loved.

"_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can't help falling in love with you. Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes. Some things are meant to be. Take my hand. Take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you."_

"Becky didn't want you to quit, Pony," said Two-Bit quietly as the song played. "I read that letter. She told you to keep living, and to be happy. Don't force her from your mind, and don't forget what she said."

I started straight ahead, and let his words sink in. He was right, of course. After we had sat there for a little while, and the sun had gone down, Two-Bit took me to get something to eat at a drive-in. And I actually ate everything that he bought for me. Then he took me home, and I asked Soda if he could come back and sleep in my room. His face flooded with color, and he said yes immediately.

**Please review :) :) :)**


	31. Growing Up

**Well, I've decided that this is the last real chapter for this story. Or, more like the last set of entries. There will be one more chapter after this one though. It will be an epilogue. So look out for that :)**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Dear Journal,

I've been really tired lately. It is a good thing that it's summer, or I'd probably be falling asleep in all of my classes. Honestly, I wake up at around eleven, which is rare for me. I guess it's a good thing though. Because I haven't been sleeping too well since Becky died. But I'm taking my medicine regularly now, and Soda is back in my room. So things have been a lot better.

Dear Journal,

Today is the 22nd of July. So, I guess that means I'm sixteen. I told Darry that I don't really want to do anything. I told him that I just want a really big, thick notebook of paper, and a new pen. I'm going to re-write my theme that I turned in for English a couple years ago. I'm going to edit it, make my writing look really nice, and send it off to a publisher. I really am. I was reading back through it the other day, and it's actually a pretty good story. Well, I don't think it's a good story because I lived it and that wasn't too fun. But to a reader, I think it could actually be pretty enjoyable. So that's what I want for my birthday. To be a published author.

Dear Journal,

Darry gave me what I wanted! Hooray! I've started editing my theme now, and I think it's going to be really good. I hope when I'm finished, Darry and Soda will like my idea to have it published. Glory, I've never even had them read my theme.

Dear Journal,

Me and Two-Bit were at the grocery store today because he got a really sudden craving for rice. I swear, that guy is pregnant or something. Anyways, I ran into Mark's younger brother, Bryon. He was walking around and holding hands with that Cathy girl. I guess they're still together. That's nice that he has actually stayed with a girl, other than Angela. Gosh, Cathy sure is pretty. She's super nice too. I stopped and talked to Bryon for a little bit. But I didn't ask about Mark, and Bryon didn't mention him at all. I think they may be fighting or something. Oh well, I don't care. Mark is an idiot. Cathy looked at me in a kind of sad way. Her and Becky knew each other pretty well. Once Two-Bit had his rice, I left and Cathy gave me a hug. Bryon patted me on the shoulder. He's a pretty good guy. And Cathy's a good girl. Maybe someday, I'll be able to be interested in girls again. But I just can't right now.

Dear Journal,

Well, I'm sending my theme away tomorrow. I finally gave it to Darry and Soda to read. They loved it. They really, really did. Them loving it so much made me happier than anything ever. I feel really confident about it. All this editing, and sending my theme away has been a really good thing to keep me busy this summer. And it's helped me with the whole Becky situation. So now all that's left is to send it away tomorrow. I hope the publishers give it a chance.

Dear Journal,

Gosh, summer really has been going by fast. It's the middle of August, so school will be starting again in about two weeks. Hopefully this year will be as uneventful as possible. I just want to get good grades and catch up the best I can. Steve graduated last year, and Two-Bit is now twenty-one, so he can't go to public school anymore. But he was able to graduate last year (barely) so he wont be going to school with me either. That's kind of scary. None of the gang at school. Oh well, I'll be fine I'm sure. It's all part of growing up.

Dear Journal,

School started up again last week. And Mark, wasn't there. He got caught doing some of his drug deals, and got sentenced to five years in prison. Bryon told me the other day. All-right, I know I'm kind of hating Mark, but that is just horrible. Five years. Gosh, those are the best years of someone's life. Just totally gone. Bryon seemed really cut up about everything. I feel really bad for him. He sure did care about Mark a lot. And him and Cathy haven't been together at lunch or in the halls like they used to. I think they may have broken up.

Dear Journal,

I haven't written for a while. It's the middle of November now. It's super cold outside. I've been doing really well in school. All A's right now. I don't really do anything on weekends. I mostly just study. But that's okay. A few people ask me to go out sometimes, but I'd really rather not. Staying at home with the boys is fine enough.

I've been talking to Cathy a lot more at lunch. Her and Bryon did break up a couple of months ago. But he really is having problems, so neither of us blame him. It turns out that he was the one to turn Mark in for dealing drugs. Glory, that must be tough to deal with.

Dear Journal,

Oh my God. I'm an author. I'm going to be an author. I'm going to be an author! YES!

The publishers mailed me back today, finally! Here is their letter:

_Dear Mr. Curtis,_

_We are very pleased to inform you that your manuscript for (The Outsiders) has been read through by our publishers, and approved for publishing. We find that your story is remarkably written for a person of your age, is a gripping tale of the views of the social classes of today, and was a very interesting read. We greatly admire your ambition and talent. You will be receiving a call from our company by no later than December 10th, 1967. This will be to speak with your guardians, and discuss future plans for your story. Thank you very much for your time._

_Yours Truly,_

_Perkins Publishers_

_(603) 555-4585_

They liked it! They want it to be published! Oh my gosh, I just can't believe it! Everyone is really happy for me. Darry hugged me really tight, and Soda spun me around. So did Two-Bit, but when he spins you, he usually bangs you into something. Steve messed up my hair, grinning from ear to ear. I feel an excitement in me that I've never really felt. I'm sixteen years old, and I'm going to be an author. Glory.

I really feel like I'm doing what Becky wanted me to do. I've been doing good in school, so I'll have a better chance to get a scholarship. Whenever I'm in the car, I turn the radio up a little louder. And now I have this book that will be published for everyone to see. Everyone will know my story. And it wont stop here. I'm going to keep writing, and do exactly what she wanted. I'm sure my parents would have wanted it as well. It also feels like a bit of a tribute to Dallas and Johnny. Because if this becomes popular, they will never truly die.

This is my last entry, I've decided. I'm sixteen now, and don't need a journal anymore. It's been really nice having this to write in every now and again. But I haven't been writing as much as I used to. I don't need it like I did when I was fourteen. I'm growing up, and growing up means letting some things go. So I'll pack this journal away in a box, nice and safe. Who knows, maybe this will become a book someday too.

-Ponyboy Michael Curtis

November 29th, 1967


	32. Epilogue

**This is the very last chapter of The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis. It's an epilogue. Hope you like :)**

The Diary Journal of Ponyboy Curtis

Epilogue, Twelve Years Later

My wife is the choice of my heart. We met in college. She was studying to be a nurse, and I was studying journalism and writing. After Becky died, I never really went out with girls. All throughout high school, I was chased and chased by countless ladies. But I could just never find it in me to chase back. When I saw Elizabeth Ann, I felt that feeling that I had felt with Becky so long ago. A feeling of love, and attraction.

We married when I was twenty-one, and she was nineteen. Last week was our seventh year of being married. I've got one son named Nicholas. Another baby is on the way, but we don't know if it's a girl or a boy yet.

I'm writing a new article that I was assigned the other day, when there is a knock at the door. I get up from my desk, thinking it's Darry. He wanted me to watch his two little sons today, and I agreed. But when I open the door, I see Sam Cannon on my porch.

"Hey, Ponyboy," says Sam quietly. I'm startled. I haven't heard from Becky's kid brother for years. He looks older, and taller. I see Joseph waiting in the car. Of course they would be sticking together. They're all each other has. Ever since Jack overdosed on drugs five years ago, the boys have been closer than ever.

"Hi Sam. You wanna come in?"

"No thanks, I'm just stopping by," he said. Of course. Sam and Joseph are in high school now. Seventeen. Gosh, that's insane. I remember how little they used to be. The, now four, Cannons still live in the same exact house that two of their number died in. Sodapop still lives in mom and dad's old house. I'm glad he does. I would never want to sell it. And I'm glad all three of the Curtis brothers still live in Tulsa. I've been through too much with Soda and Darry to move away from them, just because I've grown up.

I tilt my head to the side and consider Sam. "Can I do something for you?" I ask. He smiles a half smile.

"No – no I just stopped by to give you something." He says, pulling something out of his coat pocket. It's a slightly yellowed book. I feel a jolt in my stomach as I recognize it. "You know how my mom and dad never ever touched Becky's room after she died. Come to think of it, I don't think they've touched Jack's either. Maybe if they just leave their rooms alone, they wont ever die," He chuckles bitterly. "At least that's what they think. Anyways, I was in her room the other day, and I found this in her pillowcase. I'm guessing it's yours."

He holds the book out to me, and I take it with shaking hands. The cover, although faded, still bears the title _The Lord of the Flies_. I gave it to Becky to read, years and years ago.

"Thank you." I whisper. Sam nods.

"No problem. Listen, we've gotta get to school. See you around Ponyboy."

"Yeah – yeah see you two. Listen, if you guys ever need anything, I'll help you out, you hear?" I tell him.

"Sure, Pony. Thanks a lot." He turns on his heel and walks down the porch steps. I wave to Joseph who is sitting at the wheel. He waves back with a little smile on his face. I go back into my house, listening to their engine rev.

I sit back down at my desk, pushing the unfinished article aside. The book cracks a little when I open it. I can't believe I forgot about it. Didn't Becky tell me that it was in her pillowcase if I ever wanted it back? On the blank paper before the cover page, there is a note scrawled out in Becky's teenage girl handwriting. The handwriting that would never progress into an adult's. Becky Cannon was eternally sixteen.

It read:

_Dear Ponyboy,_

_Glory, I hope you don't mind me writing in your book. I just want to let you know that I really liked this. I didn't expect to, but I enjoyed reading. I guess this is why you're so smart. Thanks for letting me borrow it. I hope you could lend me a few more books in the future. And listen to your Beatles albums. If I can read a whole book and like it, you can listen to some music. For me._

_Your Friend,_

_Becky_

I take a steadying breath and wipe my eyes. My finger brushes over the words written so long ago. How different she was then, and how happy everything was.

My first (and best) book I ever published, _The Outsiders_, catches my eye as it sits innocently on the edge of my desk. I reach forward for it, putting my other book down. I flip through the pages, names like Johnny, Dally, and Mom and Dad catching my eye. This book was huge. It was still selling more and more copies each year. My biggest success was written when I was fourteen. And because of it, Dally, Johnny and my parents were immortal.

I got up, spurred by a sudden idea. In my room, I knew where I had hidden my journal that I wrote for a couple years of my life. It was under my bed, in a box. I opened the door to my room and knealt down. The box was dusty, so I blew on it. And inside, was my journal that I started to write at the age of fourteen. The title was, _The Journal of Ponyboy Curtis_, written in my neat handwriting. But the word _Journal_ was crossed out with a big, sloppy X. In Two-Bit's messy scrawl was the word, _Diary._ What a weirdo. I'll talk to him about it when he came over for dinner tonight, to show off his new kid to me. I admit, I am pretty excited to see his daughter. He deserves it. Ever since his two little kids drowned in someone's pool, I've felt like he really deserved a second chance at being a dad. He never gave up though, and didn't stop being happy. He was there for his wife, and they started over the best they could.

I turn the pages of my journal, my thought overtaking me. People have been begging for a sequel to _The Outsiders_ for years. And here it is. I'm sure I can make a story out of this. After all, I do need to make Becky and Jack immortal as well. It isn't fair that Johnny and Dallas were the only ones. If I make my journal into a book, Sam's words will be true. Becky will never truly die.

And everyone will know more about me. More about Darry, who kept me and never gave up on me. Who helped me towards becoming an author, and married a girl at the age of twenty-seven. More about Sodapop, who was always my light, and best friend. Soda, who finally got over Sandy and has three crazed kids. Steve, who still teases me, but lays off since I introduced him to his wife. His girl and Elizabeth Ann are sisters, you see.

Yes, this could make a very good sequel.

**Wow. So that's it. I can't believe how much I did with this story. It started as, what I thought would be just a little story with a couple of chapters. Thank you all so much for reading. You make my day, and help me to keep learning. **

**-learningtowrite1996**


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